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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the crime among teenagers is increasing because of violent video games. To what extent you agree or disagree?

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Video
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games
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 have become increasingly popular among the younger generations.
This
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 trend has raised concerns about the growth in violence
as a result
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 of harsh
games
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. Are
video
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games
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 directly related to the unpleasant behaviours of pupils?
Initially
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, it is true that the crime rate has risen in different areas of the world, especially in developed countries. Some people tend to believe that
this
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 is mainly caused by
video
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games
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 as they are
also
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 becoming more and more popular among
children
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 in those countries with the highest rate of crimes.
While
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video
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games
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 can undeniably extend the degree of bad-tempered manners in
children
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, they should not be taken as the only cause of
this
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 problem. There could be other encouraging sources of violence
such
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 as inappropriate TV programs and some Hollywood movies that should be considered as well. Having said that, the positive effects of a proper education can simply reverse the negative effects of any destructive sources. On the family side of
this
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 matter, parents should take the main responsibility of teaching basic moral principles to their own
children
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 and providing a peaceful atmosphere for them to grow in.
Besides
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, every activity of teenagers should be supervised by their parents so that they do not indulge themselves in
video
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games
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 for more than a specific amount of time. Teachers, on the other side, can act as role models for their students and discourage any harsh behaviour in them.
For example
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, they can show students how they are capable of controlling their temper in some tempting situations. In conclusion,
children
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 should be allowed to play
video
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games
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 with extra caution as they can be affected severely by the violent content,
however
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, these
games
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 can not be referred to as the only cause of the issue, and we have to deal with other underlying factors as well.

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task response
Ensure that all ideas are directly related to the topic and the question is fully answered
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas logically and cohesively, with a clear introduction and conclusion
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and attempt to use more academic and formal language
grammatical range
Ensure a variety of complex and simple sentence structures are used and consistently accurate grammar

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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