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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, more and more people engage in dangerous activities, such as skydiving, skiing and extreme motorcycling. Are you in favor of such activities or not? Why?

The impact of dangerous
activities
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 has sparked major controversy in society.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that more and more
people
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 engage in dangerous
activities
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, others claim that the opposite holds true.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both sides of the debate and
thus
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 lead to a logical conclusion.
First,
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there are numerous reasons why more and more
people
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 engage in dangerous
activities
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, but the most crucial one stems from the fact that trying extreme sports,
such
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 as jumping from aircraft and skydiving will play a vital role in risky
activities
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. As a matter of fact, releasing stress after hard work will offer tons of benefits to taking part in those
activities
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.
According to
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 a recent study conducted by reputable researchers at Sydney University, feeling excited and nervous from these extreme
activities
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 will greatly contribute to overcoming fear and confidence.
Nevertheless
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, some
people
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 adopt an opposing view and tend to believe that the opposite holds true. It is largely attributed to the fact that doing some
activities
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 like skiing and motorcycles may have negative impacts on causing accidents from these games. To be more precise, the disadvantages of a lack of safety precautions might be
due to
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 the high cost of equipment or gear needed.
For example
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, the downsides of serious injury or even fatalities are critical. In conclusion,
while
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 there are strong arguments on both sides of the debate, I strongly believe that more and more
people
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 engage in dangerous
activities
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the writer's opinion and sets up the main points to be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
There is a need for clearer development of ideas and supporting examples to fully address the task.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used, including more precise and varied language to convey ideas and arguments effectively.
grammatical range
Improve sentence structure and language usage to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures and more accurate language.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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