In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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There has been an increasing tendency among individuals to move from the
countryside
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to
cities
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. I consider it a negative development because it has a damaging impact on agricultural production and leads to rising long-scale
unemployment
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.
First,
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if
people
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who live in rural
areas
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go to
cities
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, the local produce will experience an exponential decrease. The economic condition may deteriorate into a crisis because
people
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in the
countryside
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are producers and city residents are consumers.
For example
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, most of the
people
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who resided in the rural
areas
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near our town left the
countryside
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and came to the outskirts of town. The price of dairy had increased because moving to the city caused a shortage of dairy products.
People
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could not purchase fresh produce and rising prices exacerbated the condition.
Second,
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moving away to the
cities
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play a detrimental role in massive
unemployment
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. After changing positions to urban
areas
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,
people
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usually look for a job and they want to ameliorate their economic well-being. the relocation, which sometimes is indispensable, can cause insurmountable challenges since the government cannot handle the urgent requests for jobs and housing. Take suborn
areas
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for example
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. Most of its residents come from the villages and live in
grueling
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gruelling
show examples
conditions. Compared to living in the
countryside
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, they are facing widespread
unemployment
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, and the range of communal facilities is made up of the lowest level. In conclusion,
although
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the relocation of
people
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from the
countryside
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to
cities
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may provide some financial opportunities for them, I take into account
this
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phenomenon as a negative development that exacerbates
unemployment
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and decreases the amount of local produce.
Submitted by matty.ebadii on

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Task Response
The essay stays on topic, but the arguments could be more thoroughly developed and supported with clearer examples. Make sure to address both sides of the argument and provide a balanced conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat maintained, but the introduction and conclusion could be more explicit. Try to use more cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Lexical Resource
The range of vocabulary is adequate, but there are issues with word choice and usage. Work on using more precise and appropriate vocabulary to convey your ideas more effectively.
Grammatical Range
There are grammatical errors and inconsistencies throughout the essay. Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structures.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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