Some people believe that if people are allowed to buy guns, they will be able to protect themselves and the crime rate can be lower. To what extent do you agree or disagree？
Nowadays, weapons are starting to be legalized by governments because they believe it.
However
, I do not agree and I suggest that guns
or riffles should be banned in order to reduce any harm.
Firstly
, if guns
are openly sold to the public, which means that everyone from all age group are
allowed to buy one, minors will most likely Change the verb form
is
missued
the authority and use those arms for violence. Correct your spelling
misuse
For instance
, after the US president stated that guns
are legally used, there has
been Correct subject-verb agreement
have
a
numerous Correct article usage
apply
of
school shooting accidents that Change preposition
apply
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
occur
due to
many different motives that cause
many kids Wrong verb form
caused
died
. One of the reasons was because the victim did some bullying to the attacker which Verb problem
to die
cause
the person to kill one's schoolmates. Wrong verb form
caused
Afterall
, they are still under 18 and their emotional and mental condition are considered to be still developing. Correct your spelling
After all
Therefore
, firearms should not be in the hands of a minor.
Secondly
, this
kind of instrument can lead to successful suicidal attempts which increases the mortality rate. People can do self-killing in many different ways, but if guns
are very easy to be obtained
, Wrong verb form
obtain
then
they can also
easily kill themselves. In addition
, there are higher risks of accidental injuries and deaths because not everyone is a professional in this
instrument.
In conclusion, I believe that the pressence
of these weapons in households freely will engage more people to do more violence. Correct your spelling
presence
Therefore
, firearms should only be allowed to be used for people who has
the certifications or professionals only.Change the verb form
have
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task response
The essay demonstrates limited understanding of the topic and lacks a clear position on the issue. There is a need to clearly establish and maintain a position throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak, and the introduction and conclusion need improvement for better coherence. The ideas are not well connected and lack a clear progression.
lexical resource
There is a range of vocabulary used, but it lacks precision and accuracy. The essay would benefit from using more appropriate and varied vocabulary related to the topic.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, and there are several errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and word choice. It would be beneficial to work on improving the variety and accuracy of grammatical structures used in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
