Some people believe that if people are allowed to buy guns, they will be able to protect themselves and the crime rate can be lower. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#people #guns #crime #rate #disagree？

Nowadays, weapons are starting to be legalized by governments because they believe it.

However

, I do not agree and I suggest that

guns

or riffles should be banned in order to reduce any harm.

Firstly

, if

guns

are openly sold to the public, which means that everyone from all age group

are

Change the verb form

show examples

allowed to buy one, minors will most likely

missued

Correct your spelling

misuse

the authority and use those arms for violence.

For instance

, after the US president stated that

guns

are legally used, there

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

been

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

numerous

Change preposition

apply

show examples

school shooting accidents that

occured

Correct your spelling

occurred

occur

due to

many different motives that

cause

Wrong verb form

caused

show examples

many kids

died

Verb problem

to die

show examples

. One of the reasons was because the victim did some bullying to the attacker which

cause

Wrong verb form

caused

show examples

the person to kill one's schoolmates.

Afterall

Correct your spelling

After all

show examples

, they are still under 18 and their emotional and mental condition are considered to be still developing.

Therefore

, firearms should not be in the hands of a minor.

Secondly

this

kind of instrument can lead to successful suicidal attempts which increases the mortality rate. People can do self-killing in many different ways, but if

guns

are very easy to

be obtained

Wrong verb form

obtain

show examples

then

they can

also

easily kill themselves.

In addition

, there are higher risks of accidental injuries and deaths because not everyone is a professional in

this

instrument. In conclusion, I believe that the

pressence

Correct your spelling

presence

of these weapons in households freely will engage more people to do more violence.

Therefore

, firearms should only be allowed to be used for people who

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

the certifications or professionals only.

Submitted by gabriellaamadeaa on Fri Nov 10 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

The essay demonstrates limited understanding of the topic and lacks a clear position on the issue. There is a need to clearly establish and maintain a position throughout the essay.

coherence and cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is weak, and the introduction and conclusion need improvement for better coherence. The ideas are not well connected and lack a clear progression.

lexical resource

There is a range of vocabulary used, but it lacks precision and accuracy. The essay would benefit from using more appropriate and varied vocabulary related to the topic.

grammatical range

The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, and there are several errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and word choice. It would be beneficial to work on improving the variety and accuracy of grammatical structures used in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

advocate
debate
controversial
firearm
self-defense
crime prevention
deterrence
gun violence
gun control laws
public safety
accidental discharge
suicide prevention
impulsive
accessibility
legislation
firearm regulation
balancing
individual rights
crime rate
violence
arguments
opponents
supporters
proponents
second amendment

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
You want to join a new gym in your neighbourhood. Write a letter to the gym manager. In your letter ask what types of membership are available, and what the prices are ask what activities are available ask what the joining procedure is You should write at least 150 words.
I am Sarah and I am residing in the same street where your gym is located. I am writing this letter to enquire some details about your workout place.
6
band
People say that it is a waste of time for high school students to learnliterature such as novels and poems. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people argue that teaching literature in high schools is a sheer waste of time since it has little to no practical value. However, I contend that it provides essential moral orientation to students.
5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
It goes without saying that we live in an age and decade when human beings livelihood enhances via huge improvements in healthcare system, as well as other environmental changes. There is still huge dichotomy among society members, someone convinced that there are huge beneficial consequences for society, while other people think that detrimental ramifications of living longer tip the scales overwhelmingly. Personally, I advocating to this case that all human beings should live longer and gain satisfaction of every moment of life.
6
band
Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you thnk the advantages outweigh the disavantages?
In the modern era, technological advancements, especially mobile phones, have transformed the way we communicate. However, these inventions have also raised concerns about their potential negative impact on social interactions. I agree that mobile phones have led to a decline in face-to-face interactions, contributing to a sense of isolation among individuals.
5.5
band
In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via the internet and live without face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development, in your opinion?
In contemporary society, the internet enables people to perform their daily activities such as shopping, working, and communicating with others without any face-to-face contact. From my perspective, this is mostly a positive development, while there is a drawback that will be discussed.

Some people believe that if people are allowed to buy guns, they will be able to protect themselves and the crime rate can be lower. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

You want to join a new gym in your neighbourhood. Write a letter to the gym manager. In your letter ask what types of membership are available, and what the prices are ask what activities are available ask what the joining procedure is You should write at least 150 words.

People say that it is a waste of time for high school students to learnliterature such as novels and poems. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you thnk the advantages outweigh the disavantages?

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via the internet and live without face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development, in your opinion?