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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the change in three different areas of crime in Machester city centre from 2003-2012.

The chart below shows the change in three different areas of crime in Machester city centre from 2003-2012.
#change #three #areas #crime #machester #city #centre
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The line graph illustrates the change in burglary,
car
Use synonyms
 theft and robbery in the city centre of Manchester from 2003 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 burglary dropped significantly,
car
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 theft increased slightly in Manchester city centre over the ten-year
period
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.
However
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, robbery remained relatively stable after a decade. In 2003,
Correct article usage
the buglary's
show examples
buglary's
Correct your spelling
burglary's
 value was just below 3,500 which increased to around 3,750 in 2004 before dramatically
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 to just above 1,000 over the next four years. Its value rose to roughly 1,500 in 2009 and
then
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 stayed approximately at
this
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 level in the remaining
period
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.
Car
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 thefts,
on the other hand
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, hovered between around 2,200 and just above 2,000 from 2003 to 2009 before following an upward trend until the end of the
period
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. In
2006s
Correct your spelling
2006
,
car
Use synonyms
 thefts replaced burglaries as the most significant crime over the next five years.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, robbery's value fluctuated between just under 1,000 and just above 500 throughout the
period
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words car, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "change" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decrease
  • increase
  • stable
  • significant
  • socio-economic factors
  • policing efforts
  • legislation
  • public perception
  • safety
  • correlation
  • measures
  • national statistics
  • showcase
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