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Band 7

The bar chart shows the distribution of employment among agriculture, services, industries in three countries in 1980 and in 2020

The bar chart shows the distribution of employment among agriculture, services, industries in three countries in 1980 and in 2020
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The chart illustrates the distribution of employment among three different areas in three countries in 1980 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that agriculture accounted for the vast majority of employment in
Country
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B
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while
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 the other two countries' workforce mainly consisted of those working in services in both years. In 1980, around 55% of the workers from
Country
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B
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 belonged to farming, which starkly contrasts with
Country
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 A and
Country
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C
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, with only 20% and around 5%, respectively. Meanwhile, 45% and 30% of the employed in
Country
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 A and 70% and nearly 25% of the paying public in
Country
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C
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 belonged to the service and industry sector in 1980, respectively. In 2020, in
Country
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B
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, the share of agriculture reduced to approximately 45%,
while
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 the other two fields, industry and services, saw a significant rise to 40% and just above, respectively. The percentages for those with agricultural expertise in
Country
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 A and
Country
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C
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also
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 dwindled to nearly 10% and less than 1%, respectively.
By contrast
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, the employment in services experienced a drastic increase to 55% and 80%, respectively.
Lastly
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, the portion of industrial workers dipped to 20% in
Country
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B
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,
while
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 the figure for
Country
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C
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 remained unaltered at 30% in 2020.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words country, b, c with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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