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Writing Samples /
Band 4

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table show how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table show how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#land #show #three #regions #world #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given pie charts
indicating
Wrong verb form
indicate
show examples
 some information regarding the prime reasons why agricultural
land
 becomes less fruitful.
A
Change the article
The
show examples
 highest percentage of causes of worldwide
land
 degradation is related to
over-gazing
Correct your spelling
over-grazing
show examples
 accounting for %35 of the whole pie chart. Deforestation and over-cultivation account for %58 collectively
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
their sum is almost slightly above half of the pie chart. A minority of causes (%7) is related to other worldwide
land
 degradation. The given table has been divided
onto
Change preposition
into
show examples
 four columns each of which represents some information regarding the causes of
land
 degradation by three
region
Change to a plural noun
regions
show examples
 including North America, Europe and Oceania (
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a large group of islands in the South Pacific including
Astrelia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 and Newzealand).The data given
are concerning
Wrong verb form
concern
show examples
 the way these principles affected three regions of the world during
1990s
Change the article
the 1990s
show examples
. A glance at the table provided reveals that Europe has the highest amount and ratio among most of the four specified groups,
such
 as deforestation,
over cultivation
Add a hyphen
over-cultivation
show examples
 and Total
land
 degreed.
On the contrary
, North America has the lowest values among these three groups.
Although
 the highest conscription of over-grazing
is belong
Wrong verb form
belongs
show examples
 to
oceania
Change the capitalization
Oceania
show examples
, there is no value for Oceania in
over -cultivation
Correct your spelling
over-cultivation
show examples
. The percentage values of all four groups in North America are almost in the same range between 0.2% and %5.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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