The chart below show the roth in the population in some of the world's largest cities as well as the population distrubation in urban and rural areas.

The chart below show the roth in the population in some of the world's largest cities as well as the population distrubation in urban and rural areas.
Given is a graph indicating some information regarding the
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
in the community in some of the world’s huge cities
as well as
the
population
giving out in built-up and countryside
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
including
Tokyo
, New
York
, Shanghai, Bambara, and Jakarta over a period of sixteen years. The growth in the
population
is measured in
million
Fix the agreement mistake
millions
show examples
(
M
).
Overall
, the
population
number of all five communities increased, albeit to a widely varying degree,
Tokyo
witnessed a higher rise during 2010. New
York
experienced
a
Change the article
the
show examples
least rise during a given period.
According to
the bar graph,
Tokyo
Change noun form
Tokyo's
show examples
population
increased from 17 (
M
) to 24 (
M
) between 1970 and 1990 and the
population
in
Tokyo
increased to 27.6 (
M
) in 2010. New
York
increased from 12.5 to 26.6 (
M
) between 1950 to 2010.
Shanghai
Change noun form
Shanghai's
show examples
population
witnessed an increase from 22.9 (
M
).
Although
Bombay didn’t show that much increase during 1970 and 1990
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
increasing from 22 in 1990 to 26.6 in 2010,
Bombay
Correct article usage
the Bombay
show examples
community witnessed an increase from 4.6 (
M
) until 2010. The
population
growth in Bombay and Jakarta, almost 5.5 times, was higher than any other city listed. The table data shows that in 1950 the most polluted city in the world was New
York
with 12.5 (
M
) residents. London is in 2nd grade with 7.9 (
M
) residents and
Tokyo
is in third grade with 6.5(
M
).The figure for Paris and Moscow remained fairly stable during
1950
Correct article usage
the 1950
show examples
period.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
the end, over than 3 billion people lived in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
1980 to 1990
while
less than 2 billion people lived in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. But between 2000 to 2010
population
of people in the urban
area
increased from 2.5 (B) to 4(B) and the rural
population
decreased from almost 0.5 billion
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
2000 to 2010.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, area, tokyo, york, m with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 8 times.
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: