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Band 4

too much emphasis is placed on education. more government money should be spent on providing free-time activities.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#emphasis #education #government #money #free-time #activities
there has been controversy about whether more funds be spent on
educaional
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educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 or on providing recreational
activities
 by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. From my perspective, I am
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opinion that the
government
 should allocate more money for
such
 leisure time
activities
 which as important. I will discuss my arguments in the following paragraphs. Undoubtedly, most
government
's concern is on the progress of the nation.
In other words
, more money spent on educational aspects, as the educated people will be paid more and it leads to
Correct article usage
a boots
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boots
Correct your spelling
boost
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the
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in the
show examples
 economy of the country. An educated economy is
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 to be crime-free and
peacful
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peaceful
. In today's world , the literacy level of people is a factor
to determine
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in determining
show examples
 the status of the country around the world. In Iran,
for example
, there are
numerious
Correct your spelling
a
 number of
scholorships
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scholarships
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
offer
Wrong verb form
offered
show examples
 to
students
from
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by
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Hence
,
students
 will focus on their educational
activities
 rather than other type of
activities
 which help their mind
balancing
Wrong verb form
balance
show examples
.
By contrast
, life is stressful, and
free- time
Correct your spelling
free-time
show examples
activities
 act like stress-busters.
Moreover
, healthy people
needs
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need
show examples
 for healthy community which
finally
 accounts for
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
 country. There should be an equivalent balance for
government's
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government
show examples
 funds not only for educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 but
also
 for welfare
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 which
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 critical. In some universities,
for instance
, there are recreational facilities in
accommodation
Correct article usage
the accommodation
show examples
 area
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
students
 can spend their time in there after
a
Change the article
an
show examples
exhausted
Replace the word
exhausting
show examples
 day, communicate with peers
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
share concerns and assist each other.
Therefore
, the more pay heed to
Add an article
the phycological
a phycological
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phycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
show examples
 dimension of
body
Add an article
a body
the body
show examples
 , the more
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
 can
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit from their
nind
Correct your spelling
own
 performance. In conclusion,
alocate
Correct your spelling
allocate
locate
 money to invest
side
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in side
show examples
 facilities
as well as
 playgrounds and
Correct article usage
a hoby
show examples
hoby
Correct your spelling
hobby
 centre
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 important to encourage
students
 to
fucos
Correct your spelling
focus
 on education. In future, all institutions should be applied
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 features in their centres.
Submitted by sh.sharifpour79 on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear position or argument. It also lacks relevant specific examples to support the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat disorganized, the introduction and conclusion are not clearly presented, and the main points are not effectively supported.
lexical resource
The essay contains a mix of vocabulary, but there are inaccuracies and lack of variety in expressions.
grammatical range
There are issues with sentence structure, verb tenses, and punctuation. The essay lacks complexity and accuracy in language use.
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