IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the graph below shows the average monthly change in the price of three metals during 2014

the graph below shows the average monthly change in the price of three metals during 2014
#change #price #three #metals
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The given line charts depict information about the averages of monthly changes in the
price
Use synonyms
 of
copper
Use synonyms
,
nickel
Use synonyms
, and
zinc
Use synonyms
 in 2014. By and large, the
price
Use synonyms
 of
nickel
Use synonyms
 saw changes drastically
while
Linking Words
copper
Use synonyms
tends
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
 to be stable and
zinc
Use synonyms
 was ups and down.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
price
Use synonyms
 of
copper
Use synonyms
 and
zinc
Use synonyms
 started to
increase
Use synonyms
1
Change preposition
by 1
show examples
% and 2% each in January
while
Linking Words
nickel
Use synonyms
 was at the highest
increase
Use synonyms
, which was
Use synonyms
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
6
Change preposition
of 6
show examples
%.
While
Linking Words
 the
price
Use synonyms
 of
zinc
Use synonyms
 was increased in February,
copper
Use synonyms
 and
nickel
Use synonyms
 declined and
this
Linking Words
 decline was continued until
march
Capitalize word
March
show examples
. Following the other metals, the
price
Use synonyms
 of
zinc
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 declined until June. In
this
Linking Words
 month, all three metals saw the lowest
increase
Use synonyms
 and
nickel
Use synonyms
 saw the lowest among the others.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 July until November, all metals saw the same
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
 which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose in July and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 steady
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 August to September,
then
Linking Words
 declined in October, and
finally
Linking Words
 went up
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 November.
However
Linking Words
, in December, the
price
Use synonyms
 of
zinc
Use synonyms
 and
copper
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
slightly
while
Linking Words
nickel
Use synonyms
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 steady.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words price, copper, nickel, zinc, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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