IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #employers #care #employees #dress #matters #quality #work
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There is an opinion that
employers
 should not overly concern themselves with what their
employees
 wear, as their
quality
 of
work
 should be the primary
focus
. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
 viewpoint, and
this
 essay will elaborate on my reasons. The major consideration for
employers
 should indeed be the
quality
 of their
employees
'
work
. When
employers
 prioritize
work
 performance over
dress
code
, they create an environment where
employees
 can
focus
 on their tasks without unnecessary distractions.
For example
, in the tech industry, companies like Apple have adopted a more relaxed
dress
code
, allowing
employees
 to wear casual
attire
.
This
 approach has contributed to a culture of innovation, where
employees
 feel comfortable and empowered to generate groundbreaking ideas. By emphasizing
work
quality
 over
attire
, companies like Apple have demonstrated that allowing
employees
 to
dress
 comfortably can lead to enhanced creativity and productivity.
Furthermore
, an excessive
focus
 on
dress
 codes can negatively impact inclusivity and diversity within the workplace. When
employers
 impose strict
dress
 codes, they may inadvertently exclude
employees
 from various cultural backgrounds who have unique clothing preferences or requirements.
For example
, in multinational corporations with
employees
 from diverse cultures, mandating a Western
dress
code
 might alienate those who prefer traditional
attire
. Embracing a more flexible
dress
code
 policy fosters an inclusive environment where
employees
 from different cultural backgrounds feel respected and valued, contributing to a more harmonious and diverse workplace. In conclusion,
employers
 should place their main
focus
 on the
quality
 of their
employees
'
work
 rather than micromanaging their
attire
. As exemplified by companies like Apple and multinational corporations,
this
 approach not only enhances
work
 performance but
also
 fosters an inclusive and diverse working environment.
Submitted by thanhlampham911 on

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task response
To reach a perfect score, ensure that the essay has a very clear and engaging introduction. Consider using a hook to captivate the reader's attention from the very beginning.
coherence cohesion
While your logical structure is strong, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using transitional phrases can help improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You supported your main points effectively with relevant examples, such as the reference to Apple and multinational corporations.
task response
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, making the argument persuasive and easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dress code
  • professional attire
  • workplace culture
  • productivity
  • branding
  • perception
  • creativity
  • equality
  • bias
  • discrimination
  • first impressions
  • freedom of expression
  • quality of work
  • skill set
  • professionalism
  • comfort
  • clientele
  • stakeholders
  • competence
  • formal attire
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