The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The question of whether
science
ought to be targeted
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
enhancing individuals' life quality has recently sparked a profound debate.
Although
there are some negligible benefits in making scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
solely concentrated on human
lives
, I am inclined to agree with the
nation
Correct your spelling
notion
show examples
that scientists should focus on various areas, considering people's
lives
enhancements an integral part. On the one hand, it is argued by some that every single effort in scientific matters should be dedicated to human
lives'
Change noun form
life's
show examples
improvements. Admittedly, to some
extent
Add a comma
extent,
show examples
this
trend can bring benefits for humankind.
For instance
, when scientists solely focused on
this
issue, rather than being interfered with other issues,
such
as
lunching
Correct your spelling
launching
show examples
a new space shuttle or inventing weapons in terms of helping the governments to strengthen their geopolitical position, societies would experience rapid advancements in social health quality, accompanying significant increase in life expectancy. In simpler terms, when
science
dedicated its whole attention to improving
humankind
Change noun form
humankind's
show examples
lives
,
humanity
Change noun form
humanity's
show examples
issues, namely poverty and disease would be wiped out on an agile trend.
On the other hand
, I believe that focusing on a specific trend in terms of scientific research might lead to more repercussions, and ignoring other fields of issue brings lag for that specific Country
Science
comprises different aspects, and ignoring any of
Hem
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
in order to pay more attention to another wield can deteriorate or weaken the foundation of that society. To illustrate, Switzerland which had been
far
Rephrase
apply
show examples
considered a prosperous country with high- level unparalleled levels of welfare and
amenity
Fix the agreement mistake
amenities
show examples
, was attacked by some countries in
neighborhood
Add an article
the neighborhood
show examples
, without being armed with proper weapons. In conclusion,
while
many advocate
this
notion that scientific efforts should be only put
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
enhancing people's
lives
. I firmly believe that
science
is made up of many other aspects, which should be considered simultaneously to ensure the geopolitical position and security of every society
Submitted by parvizrashidi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
In terms of task response, your essay should address the prompt more directly and provide a more balanced argument supported by relevant examples. It's crucial to answer the question fully and stay on topic throughout the essay. Ensure that your position on the extent to which you agree or disagree is clear and maintained consistently.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay shows some organizational structure but you should aim to present ideas more clearly and logically. Transition words and topic sentences can help guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next. Be sure also to vary your sentence structures to enhance readability. Moreover, aim to eliminate errors that may impede understanding or distract from the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: