IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays culture is much the same all around the world when compared to previous time. Do you think this is a postive or a negative development?

#culture #world #time #postive #development
In today's
Change to a genitive case
time's
times'
show examples
times
Add a comma
times,
show examples
 people are noticing culture become same all around the
world
 and we can say that
this
 change has appeared by almost 80% if we compare to the past eras. there are both positive and negative impacts to
this
 notion. In the paragraphs below we will be throwing light on both of the sides.
To begin
 with there are numerous reasons that make
this
 development positive. The similarity of
cultures
 in different parts of the
world
 makes a region a better place for us to live .
Firstly
, Similar traditions make us more understanding towards people.
Secondly
, common traditions make travelling to different destinations and converse with fellows easy.
For example
,
according to
 a report published in 2022 states that travelling has increased by 70%
due to
 the similarity in
cultures
 and trends.
On the other hand
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 are a few negative sides of
this
 ongoing similar culture. First of all unique traditions disappear from society
due to
this
 people are becoming unaware of many already extinct
cultures
.
In addition
 to
this
 one can lose excitement to
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 special events
moreover
, the same tradition might make individuals buy things which are not even necessary. In conclusion
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
, I must say that
although
 there is a slight downside to the similarity of
cultures
 which nowadays we can see mostly in all parts of the
world
 its positive development outweighs its negative sides. which makes me reiterate
this
 irrefutable fact that having similar
cultures
 around the
world
 has its own kind of beauty and makes different nations and places more compatible with each other .
Submitted by shrivastavatanishka2003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not fully address the task and lacks clear, comprehensive ideas. It also lacks relevant specific examples to support the points made.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear, and the support for the main points is weak. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion are vague and lack clarity.
lexical resource
The use of vocabulary and expressions is somewhat limited, and there is a need for greater variety and precision in word choice. Additionally, some phrases lack accuracy and precision.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement, articles, and word choice. Additionally, sentence structures are often repetitive and lack complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: