Some People Think That Allowing Children To Make Their Own Choices Is Likely To Result In A Society Of Individuals Who Only Think About Their Own Wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #choices #society #individuals #decision #matters

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Nowadays, it is thought that allowing

children

Use synonyms

to make their own choices contribute to a society of people who think about their own interest merely,

whreas

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whereas

others

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think that it is

very

Rephrase

apply

show examples

essential for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

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to make a

decission

Correct your spelling

decision

about

issues

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that influence them.

However

Linking Words

, I think neither. In

this

Linking Words

essay

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essay,

show examples

I will illustrate my both point of

views

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view

show examples

and give my opinion. To

beign

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begin

with, If

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

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think only about their own matters without

consider

Wrong verb form

considering

show examples

the

problems

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

others

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

can lead to increasing the selfish

between

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among

show examples

the public in the

longrun

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long run

because the

children

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will endeavour to address their own

issues

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in that

a way

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away

show examples

the levels of friendly

as well as

Linking Words

loving

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love

show examples

between the public will reduce,dramatically in

order

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to meet their own needs without

consider

Change the form of the verb

considering

show examples

others

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problems

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For

Linking Words

instance

Add a comma

instance,

show examples

in some

countries

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countries,

show examples

the number of implacability has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

increased,dramatically because of

this

Linking Words

strategy.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I am fairly certain

children

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have to

contribure

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contribute

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show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

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society's

show examples

issues

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. An opposite pattern

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

can be seen in some

society

Fix the agreement mistake

societies

show examples

that teach

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

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how to be keen on addressing the

problems

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others

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This

Linking Words

startegy

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strategy

bring

Correct subject-verb agreement

brings

show examples

about positive results and the sequels of

this

Linking Words

approach are appointed and pleasured. Since

,the

Rephrase

then,the

show examples

level of isolation has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

decreased

Rephrase

significantly,significantally

show examples

significantally

Rephrase

apply

show examples

and

this

Linking Words

is partially

due to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

approach.

Moreover

Linking Words

, a

signifiant

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significant

number of the

children

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in the learning

instutions

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institutions

are taught how to solve the

problems

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others

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order

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to meet their

need

Fix the agreement mistake

needs

show examples

Therefore

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, friendly and loving are increased in these societies

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

to some

extend

Replace the word

extent

show examples

caused by the

aforemention

Correct your spelling

aforementioned

approach so that what the authorities in the whole societies have to do is teach the

children

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how to share

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

others

Change noun form

other's

others'

show examples

problems

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order

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to provide the

publice

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public

with good emotional feelings to each

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others

Change to a singular noun

other

show examples

. In

anutshell

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a nutshell

, currently, a lot of

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

children

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tend to focus only on

theri

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their

the

issues

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,but the governments have to overcome

this

Linking Words

dilemma in

order

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to tackle negative

sequles

Correct your spelling

sequels

that already have been

occured

Correct your spelling

occurred

in some countries.

Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on Sat Nov 11 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression. The introduction and conclusion are vague and underdeveloped. The body paragraphs lack coherence and do not effectively support the main points.

task achievement

The essay provides a partial response to the task, but the ideas are not fully developed or clearly presented. The relevant examples are not effectively utilized to support the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
46
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

328 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Selfishness
Immediate gratification
Short-sighted
Communal values
Guidance
Personal development
Vital skill
Responsibility
Consequences
Autonomy
Boundaries
Guided decision-making

What to do next:

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Some People Think That Allowing Children To Make Their Own Choices Is Likely To Result In A Society Of Individuals Who Only Think About Their Own Wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions . Do you agree or disagree?

Some think that printed books are not necessary in the digital era, because all writing can be stored electronically. Others think printed books still play an important role. Discuss both veiw and give your opinion.

some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in TV, videos games and other types of entertainments for children's leisure. how does this affect children. How do you think the problem can be tackled?

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.