Some People Think That Allowing Children To Make Their Own Choices Is Likely To Result In A Society Of Individuals Who Only Think About Their Own Wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decision about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, it is thought that allowing
children
to make their own choices contribute to a society of people who think about their own interest merely,
whreas
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whereas
others
think that it is
very
Rephrase
apply
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essential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
to make a
decission
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decision
about
issues
that influence them.
However
, I think neither. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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I will illustrate my both point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
and give my opinion. To
beign
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begin
with, If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
think only about their own matters without
consider
Wrong verb form
considering
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the
problems
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
,
this
can lead to increasing the selfish
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
the public in the
longrun
Correct your spelling
long run
because the
children
will endeavour to address their own
issues
in that
a way
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away
show examples
the levels of friendly
as well as
loving
Change the form of the verb
love
show examples
between the public will reduce,dramatically in
order
to meet their own needs without
consider
Change the form of the verb
considering
show examples
others
problems
.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
the number of implacability has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased,dramatically because of
this
strategy.
Therefore
, I am fairly certain
children
have to
contribure
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contribute
in
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Change noun form
society's
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issues
. An opposite pattern
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can be seen in some
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
that teach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
how to be keen on addressing the
problems
of
others
.
This
startegy
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strategy
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
about positive results and the sequels of
this
approach are appointed and pleasured. Since
,the
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then,the
show examples
level of isolation has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased
,
Rephrase
significantly,significantally
show examples
significantally
Rephrase
apply
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and
this
is partially
due to
this
approach.
Moreover
, a
signifiant
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significant
number of the
children
in the learning
instutions
Correct your spelling
institutions
are taught how to solve the
problems
of
others
in
order
to meet their
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
.
Therefore
, friendly and loving are increased in these societies
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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to some
extend
Replace the word
extent
show examples
caused by the
aforemention
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aforementioned
approach so that what the authorities in the whole societies have to do is teach the
children
how to share
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
Change noun form
other's
others'
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problems
in
order
to provide the
publice
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public
with good emotional feelings to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
. In
anutshell
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a nutshell
, currently, a lot of
te
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the
show examples
children
tend to focus only on
theri
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their
the
issues
,but the governments have to overcome
this
dilemma in
order
to tackle negative
sequles
Correct your spelling
sequels
that already have been
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
in some countries.
Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression. The introduction and conclusion are vague and underdeveloped. The body paragraphs lack coherence and do not effectively support the main points.
task achievement
The essay provides a partial response to the task, but the ideas are not fully developed or clearly presented. The relevant examples are not effectively utilized to support the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Selfishness
  • Immediate gratification
  • Short-sighted
  • Communal values
  • Guidance
  • Personal development
  • Vital skill
  • Responsibility
  • Consequences
  • Autonomy
  • Boundaries
  • Guided decision-making
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