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Band 3.5

Some people think that teenagers should follow what the old people say whereas some believe that it is good for teenage people to challenge what old people say. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

#people #teenagers #believe #challenge
There is no doubt that adolescence is a crucial period of life. Some people believe that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation should do things as
according
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
 generation
whereas
 others believe youngsters should do what they think is right for them. I will discuss both views in
this
 essay.  On the one hand, there is no wrong in following the advice of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they have more experience of life.
Also
, they have already gone through life stages, experiences and problems
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 young people might have to go through. So, by listening to their
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 youth can learn so much and can avoid the troubles.  But
on the other hand
, every person is different. So, sometimes it is very important to take
stand
Add an article
a stand
show examples
 for yourself. If something doesn't feel right, one should know how to say no even in front of
seniors'
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seniors
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.
For instance
, if someone wants to
peruse
Verb problem
pursue
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their
Change the word
a
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 career in fashion
designing
Replace the word
design
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 but their parents
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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 them to be
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
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. Teenagers should have all right to decide their own career path.
To sum up
, I opine that youngsters should learn things from seniors but
also
 should know how to make their own decisions and tackle things in their own way.
Submitted by vaniaulakh on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a single main point and linked clearly to the overall argument. Connect ideas more cohesively to improve the logical flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaboration to support your arguments. Ensure that your examples are relevant to the points you are making.
Lexical Resource
Work on using a wider range of vocabulary and expressions to improve the depth of your argument. Consider using more formal and sophisticated language where appropriate.
Grammatical Range
Continue to demonstrate a varied and accurate use of complex structures and sentence types. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage to improve grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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