IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
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There is no denying that violent
crimes
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 have increased significantly in recent years. Even though people believe that the
death
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penalty
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 is not the ideal solution to stop
this
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 violence, the
death
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penalty
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 is mandatory in some cases. ‎‏
Firstly
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, Many
criminals
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 commit
crimes
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 without thinking despite their knowledge of punishment, which gives them the
courageto
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courage to
 believe that any punishment will not frighten them.
Therefore
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, they must fear
death
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 so that the criminal will think before committing his crime. Many countries impose the
death
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penalty
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for example
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, Saudi Arabia, which imposes the
death
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penalty
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 on perpetrators of murder and rape.
Therefore
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, the crime rate in Saudi Arabia is low compared to other countries. The
death
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penalty
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 is intended to serve as a severe warning to those who intend to commit similar
crimes
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, reducing the likelihood of
such
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crimes
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 being repeated in the future.
For example
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,
criminals
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 who make headlines for
crimes
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 like treasure, massacres, drug trafficking, etc. will serve as an example to deter other citizens. committing the same
crimes
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.
Secondly
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, a decrease in the number of
criminals
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 will increase community safety, leading to a safer society where people can fully develop intellectually and personally. ‎‏In conclusion, any society that wants to reduce crime rates and make its environment safer must apply the
death
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penalty
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 to
criminals
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 who deserve it. Making the community a safe place will
also
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 lead to greater gains in the long run.
Submitted by sesjej1330 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a central idea and supports it with relevant examples and arguments.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt but lacks depth in presenting a fully comprehensive response. Consider presenting a balanced and well-developed argument.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and articulate nuanced arguments.
grammatical range
Demonstrate a wider range of sentence structures and use more complex sentence patterns to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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