79.Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is argued that replacing
parks
and gardens
which are close to the city centre with buildings
is the best way to reduce the time that individuals spend travelling to work. This
essay completely disagrees with this
statement because it is not a healthy decision and people
will still travel to other places
.
Many countries’ cities are full of cars and buildings
, with just some green spaces, because of the large number of vehicles that are on the roads, the quality of the air
is very poor, then
if the only green spaces are changed to buildings
, then
the air
quality is going to get worse. This
leads to health problems since individuals will be breathing bad-quality air
, and this
can cause respiratory-related problems. For example
, in the last
decades, the cases of asthma in Europe have increased compared with the past, and this
is because of the poor quality of air
, and the increasing contamination.
The parks
and gardens
,
are Remove the comma
apply
places
where people
go to rest and enjoy the time with the environment, they are the only places
where citizens can breathe fresher air
, because of the large amount of trees and flowers. Then
, if these places
are changed to buildings
when people
want to go to parks
, they need to spend more time travelling to get to one of these places
. For instance
, in Spain, there are many gardens
and parks
in the city centre, but if these all are changed to buildings
, then
people
need to travel to the outside of their town, where there are forests and mountains.
In conclusion, changing gardens
and parks
into apartments for commuters will increase air
pollution, causing problems in people
’s health and individuals will need to travel longer distances if they want to relax in natural environments, I, therefore
, believe that replacing gardens
and parks
into buildings
is a negative development.Submitted by elenazheng1211 on
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introduction and conclusion
Your essay needs to have a clearer and more concise introduction and conclusion. Consider rephrasing them to directly address the question and clearly establish your viewpoint.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that your essay has a logical flow by organizing your ideas into clear, distinct paragraphs with topic sentences that reflect the main idea of each paragraph.
supporting examples
While you provided examples to support your points, they were not always specific or fully developed. Use more detailed examples to strengthen your argument.
task response
Make sure to address all parts of the task. The prompt asks you to what extent you agree or disagree. Your response should include a measured consideration of both sides of the argument, even if you have a strong opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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