IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Questions Human activities is damaging the Earth or making it a better place to live? Do you agree or disagree?

#questions #activities #earth #place
I agree that human activities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more likely
damaging
Change the verb form
to damage
show examples
 the Earth. As
a millennials
Correct the article-noun agreement
a millennial
millennials
show examples
, I found that the
quality
 of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 is decreasing day by day caused
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
minimum
Correct word choice
minimal
show examples
 human awareness, there are so many trees
were
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 cut and
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
change
Wrong verb form
have changed
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 function into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business.
Furthermore
, I realize that the
quality
 of
air
 in the big city is not that good as it
already
Add a missing verb
is already
show examples
 contaminated with
air
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
 meanwhile the oxygen from trees or
another green plants
Replace the adjective
another green plant
other green plants
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 limited.
This
 resulted in the decreasing
quality
 of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 of people as they breathe the
not so good
Add a hyphen
not-so-good
show examples
air
quality
, for children
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, they are has a big chance
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 cough and flu easily. From
this
 illustration, we can see how the earth is sick and we, as the people who live in it, need to realize and make some
adjustment
Fix the agreement mistake
adjustments
show examples
iff
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 we want to have a better
quality
 of life. In my opinion, there are two important steps that must be addressed in order to fix
this
 problem. First, it should
be come
Change to the active voice
come
have come
show examples
 from the government as the regulator. They can make some rules that can
minimizes
Wrong verb form
minimise
show examples
air
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
 and decrease the number of deforestation, the government should be the pioneer in supervising these regulations as the citizens will follow the rules.
Second,
as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, we need to increase our awareness and put some real actions into our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
, to decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
, it would be better if we use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation rather than
to drive
Change the verb form
driving
show examples
 our own car.
Also
, we can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
plant at home to maximize the circulation of oxygen. It is important for us to do
this
, as the change should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
start from us, and it can be spread to people around us. The small impact can
turns
Change the verb form
turn
show examples
 into
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 impact if we do it properly and regularly to create a
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better place to live.
Submitted by ayuputriv on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents some relevant points but lacks clear focus and development. The introduction and conclusion need to be strengthened for better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task but lacks depth and detailed development. It needs to provide more specific examples and a better elaboration of ideas to fully address the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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