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Band 6.5

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friends #businesses #development
In a rapidly developing epoch of technology, it has become a common social phenomenon for individuals to
transfer
money
 by using digital currency.
This
 essay examines the merits and demerits of it and determines whether it is a positive or negative
development
.  One significant advantage of the
use
 of digital
money
 is that it simplifies the process of transferring since citizens only
use
 smartphones to finish it. Clearly, individuals cannot go to local banks in person or find an Automated Teller Machine (ATM) to do it.
Moreover
, it certainly is time-saving.
For instance
, if someone needs an emergency loan, a finance corporation can
transfer
money
 as soon as possible.
Hence
, it is without a doubt that the
use
 of digital cash is welcome in modern society, recently.
Although
 transferring by using electric gadgets does save users time, one compelling disadvantage cannot be ignored, which is the risk of losing coins.
This
 is because using the internet to
transfer
money
 is difficult to be regulated by security parts of governments.
For example
, an increasing number of online banking fraud cases are continually being reported by social media;
therefore
, fraud case has become the major reason why most residencies lack trust in these new
transfer
 methods. 
On the contrary
, scientific technology
development
 cannot stop
due to
 its potential risks, so more and more professors have started to figure out some solutions to fight criminals, like educating the public on how to identify whether one is true or not. In short, the using of the Internet to
transfer
 currency will become a positive
development
 in the future.  In summary, transferring
money
 through the Internet presents both cons and pros, encompassing time-saving and losing of coins.
However
, it is may a solution to modify its disadvantages, ergo, the
use
 of digital cash is a positive
development
.
Submitted by lyutingting520 on

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task response
Ensure all aspects of the given topic are fully addressed, including the negative aspects of the use of digital currency and the potential risks.
coherence and cohesion
Overall, the essay has a logical structure and good introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in providing more supporting details for the main points.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a varied range of vocabulary and effectively conveys the writer's ideas. However, certain expressions and phrases could be refined to enhance clarity and precision.
grammatical range
The essay showcases a good command of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures. However, there are occasional errors in tense consistency and word choice, which may hinder clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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