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Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar graph shows the number of man and woman participants in the olympics between 1924 to 2012

The bar graph shows the number of man and woman participants in the olympics between 1924 to 2012
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The charts illustrate how many
male
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males
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 and
female
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females
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participates
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participate
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 in the Olympic Games between 1924 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of people participating in the
Olympic
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Olympics
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 generally increased and the majority of
participants
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 in each year
was
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were
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 men. In 1924, more than 3000 people participated in the
Olympic
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Olympics
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 and the
participants
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was
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were
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 dominated by men with 3000
participants
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,
while
Linking Words
 only around 100 women participated. The number of
participants
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 increased in 1952 to around 5000
participants
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender ratio
  • inclusion
  • significant gap
  • gradual increase
  • key Olympics
  • notable increase
  • policy changes
  • closing gender gap
  • socio-political factors
  • feminist movements
  • gender equality
  • parity
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