IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer countries. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is argued that affluent societies help disadvantaged societies financially to improve their standard of hygiene, education, and business.
Although
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 cooperation is beneficial, I believe the issues of their citizens are a higher priority and poor
countries
Use synonyms
 should be independent. First, It is expected that each government finds solutions for internal affairs. People participate in the elections because they want the government to notice their challenges and strive to solve them.
However
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, it is disappointing for some
countries
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 that the problems of other
countries
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 are more significant than their nations.
For example
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, in Iran, which is a rich country in oil production, people are faced with innumerable difficulties
such
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 as unemployment, massive inflation, and, a housing crisis and the government invests money in other
countries
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,
instead
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 of solving the issues of Iranian.
Second,
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financial investment in developing
countries
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 brings about dependence on developed
countries
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. It is an optimistic view that spending money in poor
countries
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 can improve social well-being because people always expect other
countries
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 to have duties to solve their problems
otherwise
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 they are indifferent to human rights.
For instance
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, The USA has been trying for twenty years to ameliorate political and social problems in Iraq but it was futile and the
overall
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 standard of life has been exacerbated in comparison to the past.
That is
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 to say, having achievement and convenience are associated with self-sufficiency rather than asking for help from advantaged
countries
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. In conclusion,
although
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 developed and developing
countries
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 should coordinate with each other, I think the former should sort out the issues of their nation and
this
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 is a good practice for poor
countries
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 to reach self-deficiency.

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task response
The essay adequately addresses the task question and presents relevant ideas, but it lacks depth and complexity in the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the development of ideas lacks coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The use of vocabulary and expressions is fairly appropriate, but there is room for improvement in using more varied and advanced vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a fairly good command of a range of complex structures. However, there are occasional errors and some lack of variety in sentence structures.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Essential
  • Development
  • Poorer countries
  • Richer nations
  • Responsibility
  • Collaboration
  • Sustainable development
  • Financial aid
  • Technical support
  • Resources
  • Expertise
  • Empowers
  • Local communities
  • Self-sufficiency
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