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Band 3

Some people sat that it is a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and/or weekends. Other people think it is important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

#people #idea #socialise #work #colleagues #evenings #weekends #life
In contemporary society with the expansion of
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 and technology,there are several social apps
such
 as Instagram where people share their lives .
Thus
 many
of
Change preposition
apply
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folks View it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct your spelling
as
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 critical to separate the private life from
working
Correct article usage
the working
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 area
.
Correct your spelling
while
while
;others view the opposite and believe it’s
a
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apply
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good to be social with
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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your colleagues.
in
Capitalize word
In
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this
 essay, I will Discuss both of these Prospective and give my opinion .
To begin
 with,
the
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apply
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social people have more open
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 and
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
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.Especially,
on
Change preposition
in
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 their work where they meet their
college
Replace the word
colleagues
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 outside of
office
Add an article
the office
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 and
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
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their experiment and how
dealing when
Verb problem
to deal
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 facing issues
in particular
 tasks. that you will gain numerous knowledge and experiments from your senior and employer.
In addition
, would create a warm atmosphere during office time since Employee
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 each other well, even more,
then
 can cooperate during workload
and
Correct word choice
apply
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with
this
 idea to
illusrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 it ,I take an example, if someone had
a
Correct article usage
apply
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significant
cirumantances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
, he get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 day off SO His colleague's going to do his duty.
Conversely
,
isolation
Correct article usage
the isolation
show examples
 of working life
.lead
Correct your spelling
leads
employees to focus
about
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
office tasks only. so my opinion, accepting both
of
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apply
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views and being in the
middleNot
Correct your spelling
middle
 involved in working
just
Rephrase
apply
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but
also
 making
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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friends -office to
get
Verb problem
have
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 some fun and experience -sharing .
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
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, I would say both
nation
Change to a plural noun
nations
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have merits and
demarits
Correct your spelling
demerits
.
its
Correct your spelling
It's
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benficial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to get
Correct article usage
a privacy
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privacy
Replace the word
private
show examples
 life and
also
 become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social little bit.
Submitted by enasawad68 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure proper structuring of ideas and paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Work on using a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more clearly.
grammatical range
Focus on improving sentence structure and grammatical accuracy to avoid errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • colleagues
  • socialising
  • work relationships
  • teamwork
  • positive
  • supportive
  • work environment
  • personal relationships
  • collaboration
  • communication
  • stress
  • well-being
  • work-life balance
  • personal time
  • boundaries
  • conflicts
  • burnout
  • professional
  • personal identities
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