IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that zoos have no useful purpose. Others believe that zoos are beneficial in many ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #zoos #purpose
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A number of
people
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 believe that there is no potential benefit that can be received from
zoos
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, whilst others consider that
zoos
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 have numerous
vantages
Correct your spelling
advantages
show examples
.
This
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 essay discusses
Correct article usage
the virtue
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virtue
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virtues
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 and
drawback
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drawbacks
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 of the existence of
zoos
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. Personally,
i
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I
show examples
 see eye to eye with the idea that
states
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state
show examples
zoos
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is
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are
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advantagous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
. One of
advantages
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the advantages
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from
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of
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zoos
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 is giving knowledge for educational purposes
especially
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, especially
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 for
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
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. Information about the variety of
animals
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 in the world especially the wild ones can be seen directly in the zoo.
Therefore
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,
attendances
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attendance
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is
Verb problem
makes it
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 possible to learn and deep dive
in
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into
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 the insightful knowledge from the
animals
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 in
scope
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the scope
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 of either their own personal traits or their surroundings.
For instance
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, some elementary school in Indonesia is conducting an outdoor study program in
zoo
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a zoo
the zoo
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 in order to provide extensive knowledge about various animal
behaviors
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behaviours
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 after the learning process in the classroom.
However
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, there are
also
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 negative
viewpoint
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viewpoints
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 about
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zoos
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zoos'
zoo's
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existency
Correct your spelling
existence
.
People
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 believing in
this
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 point of view consider that
zoos
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 just
make
Verb problem
put
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 the
animals
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 in
the
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apply
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stressful
condition
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conditions
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 and
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animals
Correct word choice
that animals
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 should not be
imprisonment
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imprisoned
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. 
Besides
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 that, they
also
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 disagree about the educational benefit
from
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of
show examples
zoos
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 because pupils could
possible
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possibly
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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study
about
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apply
show examples
animals
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 from the widespread information,
for example
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, the educational videos that were already spread throughout the internet. In a nutshell, there are different opinions
regard to
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regarding
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 the possible
beneficial
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benefits
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from
Change preposition
of
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
.
People
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having
Wrong verb form
have
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 pros arguments say that there is an educational benefit from
zoos
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, whilst the cons
people
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 believe that
zoos
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 just
give
Verb problem
have
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 negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
animals
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. As far as I am concerned, I am on the same wavelength with those pros
people
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.
Therefore
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, if I were the
authorities
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authority
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,
i
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I
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 would legislate the law in the obligation
of treating
Change preposition
to treat
show examples
Submitted by muhanailyas on

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task response
Ensure your essay thoroughly addresses all aspects of the topic question and provides a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a more coherent and well-organized structure for your essay, including clear introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and work on using more precise and varied language in your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation to improve accuracy and fluency in your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • conservation
  • habitat
  • endangered species
  • captive breeding
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • animal welfare
  • educational outreach
  • natural environment
  • ethical dilemma
  • ecotourism
  • species preservation
  • behavioral enrichment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: