Education in financial management should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Schools should have financial management as a compulsory subject
to
their curriculum. Change preposition
in
This
essay strongly believes in this
idea because it is to prepare young ones to be mindful about money
and they can create financial plans for their life.
Giving basic financial management knowledge to students
is an important measure that should be taken by schools in order to prepare their pupils to be mindful about
Change preposition
of
money
. Children are given pocket money
from their parents and some of them are spending it lavishly on unimportant things. They should be taught how to carefully manage this
money
and the power in
investment in order to gain more benefits. Change preposition
of
For example
, students
can save their remaining pocket money
, put
it in an investment instrument to support their studies or hobbies, Correct word choice
and put
such
as buying a high performing
laptop to support Add a hyphen
high-performing
the
programming hobby.
Change the word
their
In addition
, having knowledge
to manage Change the article
the knowledge
money
will benefit students
to plan
their future dreams. Many adults encounter difficulties buying a new house because they are late to develop saving habits and have Change preposition
in planning
poor
understanding of how to manage their Add an article
a poor
money
. When this
skill is introduced earlier in school, they would be more prepared since younger and change their lifestyle thus
they are closer to buying
their dreams. Verb problem
achieving
Furthermore
, some people are dreaming of earlier financial freedom, thus
they should possess advanced knowledge to plan their retirement funds and learning the fundamentals from teenage
age will be beneficial. Correct article usage
a teenage
For instance
, in some schools in Surabaya, students
are joining a monthly savings program.
In conclusion, financial education should be a mandatory subject in school, and this
idea should be viewed as a positive conduct because it prepares children to be careful about their spending and promotes saving habits to fund their dreams.Submitted by intanannisa.ia on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you develop each paragraph thoroughly with a clear central topic and supporting sentences that expand on that point. In the current essay, while the central topics are identifiable, the development and depth of examples could be more thorough to strengthen the argument and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Logical connectors and transition words should be used more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas. The essay would benefit from varied and accurate usage of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and do provide a basic framework for the essay; however, they could be more impactful by directly addressing the prompt's statement and providing a more nuanced thesis statement in the introduction, along with a more comprehensive summary of the main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
The argument is relevant to the task, but it would benefit from a more balanced consideration of both sides of the argument. Provide a measured analysis that considers alternative viewpoints, which would lead to a more complete and complex response to the task.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, but they require a more comprehensive development. Go beyond stating the benefit and show a deeper understanding of the implications and practical application of financial management within the school curriculum.
task achievement
The inclusion of examples is good, but the specificity could be improved. Ensure that the examples provided are directly relevant and contribute to illustrating the point more vividly. Real-world statistics, studies, or more detailed hypothetical situations could enhance the persuasiveness of the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?