An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, a vast majority of
people
want to change and enhance their fairness
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
cosmetic
surgery
. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
is that
people
want to be attractive and beautiful and it can negatively
impacted
Change the verb form
impact
be impacted
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health . One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that
people
want to change their
appearance
by cosmetic
surgery
due to
the fact that it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
their faces attractive and beautiful.
Therefore
, in today's world some
people
hate them's who have ugly
face
Fix the agreement mistake
faces
show examples
and to prevent it most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
decide to improve their
appearance
.
For instance
, if they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improve their faces by cosmetic
surgery
, they might increase their career progression. A primary example of
this
Angelina
Add a missing verb
is Angelina
show examples
Joley,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
received
bulling
Correct your spelling
bullying
show examples
before improving
appearance
Correct pronoun usage
their appearance
her appearance
his appearance
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
cosmetic
surgery
, after that she became famous and
earnt
Verb problem
earned
show examples
a lot of money.
Consequently
, over half
Correct article usage
the
show examples
population of the world
decide
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
to alter their faces by Angelina Joleys method. One of the main aspects of the problem that
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
amend
Fix the infinitive
to amend
show examples
their faces
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
cosmetic
surgery
is that it can badly
affected
Change the verb form
affect
be affected
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cosmetic
surgery
remains
very
Add an article
the very
a very
show examples
dangerous type of
surgery
because
instead
of
make
Change the form of the verb
making
show examples
people
's
apperance
Correct your spelling
appearance
better it can make it
worser
Correct your spelling
worse
.
Furhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, many doctors do not
reccomend
Correct your spelling
recommend
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
type of
surgery
for all
people
because it
is not study
Change the verb form
is not studied
is not studying
show examples
fully.
For example
, if
people
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decide to improve their
appearance
, they can lose their type of body. Recent research found that approximately 64
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
of
people
who altered their faces
as a result
losed
Correct your spelling
lost
show examples
their noses because of doctors
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
were not prepared for
this
surgery
. In conclusion, even
cosmetic
Correct word choice
though cosmetic
show examples
surgery
still
remaining
Wrong verb form
remains
show examples
popular and it improve
fairness
Add an article
the fairness
show examples
of
people
it can seriously
affected
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not fully address the task and lacks clear organization.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear progression and coherence in presenting ideas, making it challenging to follow.
lexical resource
The vocabulary and language used need improvement to convey ideas effectively.
grammatical range
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and lacks varied sentence structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Idealized beauty standards
  • Cosmetic surgery
  • Advancements in medical technology
  • Socially acceptable
  • Self-improvement
  • Psychological well-being
  • Competitive workforce
  • Youthful appearance
  • Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
  • Physical appearance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: