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The bar graph shows the number of man and woman participants in the olympics between 1924 to 2012

The bar graph shows the number of man and woman participants in the olympics between 1924 to 2012
#bar #man #woman #participants #olympics
The bar graph illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how many
participants
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in the
olympic
Correct your spelling
olympics
 between 1924 to 2012.
Overall
,it can be seen that mostly
men
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 taking part in
this
 game and
also
line
Correct article usage
the line
show examples
 graph shows that during
this
 period
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
participants
 sharply increased.
Conversely
,in 1924
men
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
higher
Correct word choice
more likely
show examples
 to play games almost 3000 respectively and
women
 only zero percent
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 figure
moreover
,the number of
men
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
participants
 increased their participation at 45000 in 1952
than
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
women
less
Add a missing verb
were less
show examples
 interested.
Furthermore
,in 1984
women
 was little more went up
just
Change preposition
to just
show examples
 over
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1000 and at
this
 time
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 52000
although
,in 2012
women
 dramatically increased the number of
participants
 now it was just close
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 5000 and
men
 again top of the list at 6000.
On the other hand
,the line graph
also
 shows that when
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
started
Replace the word
start
show examples
 of the period in1924 it was 25000 and it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
went up in 2012 it was incredibly up at 11000,
this
 was
unbelievable
Add an article
an unbelievable
the unbelievable
show examples
 figure.
Submitted by rs55169611 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender ratio
  • inclusion
  • significant gap
  • gradual increase
  • key Olympics
  • notable increase
  • policy changes
  • closing gender gap
  • socio-political factors
  • feminist movements
  • gender equality
  • parity
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