IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Should young children be encouraged to follow strict rules based on their cultural traditions or allowed to behave freely? Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#children #rules #traditions
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Is it
Unnecessary verb
It
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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widely known that
numeorus
Correct your spelling
numerous
 communities are based on cultural traditions
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there is a debate about
children
Use synonyms
 from
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 specific groups, whether
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should follow these strict rules or behave freely.
This
Linking Words
 essay will depict both of these views. In my opinion,
children
Use synonyms
 should stand on their own ground.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 coming from
conservatives
Change the noun form
conservative
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 families are more likely to go through behavioural issues as they are banned from attending most motives as it is
school
Add an article
a school
the school
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 that should be
priority
Add an article
a priority
the priority
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.
Furthermore
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,
younger
Add an article
the younger
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 generation needs to assimilate with their peers which can only
by
Correct your spelling
be
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 accomplished by integration that happens in their spare time.
This
Linking Words
lead
Replace the word
led
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 to
zeal
Correct article usage
the zeal
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rebellion
Correct word choice
and rebellion
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 of these teenagers.That is why
rigorous
Correct article usage
a rigorous
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 outlook on life can badly influence a child.
Therefore
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, it is crucial that we teach our
children
Use synonyms
 that it is okay to go out once
in
Change preposition
at
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 a time and not hide behind the scenes. The
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 have to feel seen,
respected
Correct word choice
and respected
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 and that no one will force them upon anything as long as they are safe. As well, it is known
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 strict societies that
religion
Replace the word
religious
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 topics are prominent. We should communicate with our descendants that it is their decision if they don't want to follow
this
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 path. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to freely tell their needs so that parents can have
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 bond that will
last
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 forever. Many psychologists say
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youth
that
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
who is
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 limited from any social aspects of life are more likely to
cut
Add a missing verb
be cut
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 off from their families in the future. From my point of view, kids should be
fullfilled
Correct your spelling
fulfilled
 with
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to accomplish success.
Submitted by olaual on

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task response
Expand on your points with more specific examples and elaborate on your opinions.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your ideas by using clearer topic sentences and connecting your ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
Enrich your vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure, punctuation, and the correct use of verb tenses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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