IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

IELTS writing test 2 Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? You should write at least 250 words. Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and with relevant evidence.

#ielts #test #nations #wealth #food #education #responsibility #governments #citizens #support #arguments #evidence
Each
country
 has different
resources
 one and
another
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
, both its natural
resources
 and its human
resources
.
Thus
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 up
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
different results whether
country’s
Correct article usage
a country’s
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 is developed or not.
Countries
 with good industry and qualified human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 will be the established
countries
,
while
countries
 with not enough industry and
resources
 will be poorer
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
. Wealthy states should not
being
Change the verb form
be
show examples
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
responsible to poorer
countries
 in providing basic necessities or education because each
country
 has its own political policies and rich
countries
 can’t interfere too much in other
countries
’ affairs. Poorer nations have full control in feeding their inhabitants and being responsible for educational needs. They have a big role in seeking the welfare of their people.
However
, the world social order has recently increasingly prioritized social justice including in terms of education and
wealth
 management. And by that reason, equality must be sought to be achieved.
Wealth
Replace the word
Wealthy
show examples
countries
 can help
lightening
Wrong verb form
lighten
show examples
 the burden on poorer
countries
. Some efforts that
wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
show examples
 nations can offer are: giving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
 to poorer
nation’s
Fix the agreement mistake
nations’
show examples
 citizens so that their human
resources
experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
show examples
 an increase in quality
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
transfer
Correct article usage
the transfer
show examples
 of knowledge from
wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
show examples
countries
. Another way is by providing
food
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 needs of poorer
countries
. Progress in the agricultural sector is
also
 very important considering that agriculture is the main source of
food
.
For
this
 reason,
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 competent
food
 experts are needed to build the basic foundations of
food
 security. On the other side, other sectors must be taken care of too to
encouraged
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 poorer nations to be able to advance the
country
 and can release from poverty.
Submitted by syifanurul.maulani1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear and well-organized, with an introduction and supported main points. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly present in order to effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task prompt and presents clear and comprehensive ideas. Relevant specific examples are used effectively to support the arguments. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly present in order to effectively frame the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: