IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed ,rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organization #be #case
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These days,the majority of
people
Use synonyms
tent
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
 to choose self-employment rather than to be an employee of a company.
in
Capitalize word
In
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 my opinion,there are many factors contributing to that,like the desire
of having
Change preposition
to have
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 a flexible
work
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 schedule and their independence .
However
Linking Words
,there are so many drawbacks,
such
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 as not having
particular
Add an article
a particular
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 plan and not spending time with family.in
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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 essay ,I will elaborate
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these. There are many reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 want to
work
Use synonyms
 on their own.First of all these individuals are more concerned about their freedom. What I mean by
this
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 is that they do not want to have a strict boss.Because if they have a former boss,they can not be creative in their
work
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.
Secondly
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,
people
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Caan
Correct your spelling
can
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 change their plans based on their free time.
That is
Linking Words
 to say,they can adjust their working hours depending on the situation in the environment. As
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 example,self-employed
people
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 are more likely to do what their family members want than
people
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 who
work
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 9-5 jobs in
a
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an
show examples
 office.
As a result
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,their professional life can not interfere
privote
Correct your spelling
private
 life. On the one hand,some consider that self-employment is
business
Use synonyms
.
Business
Use synonyms
 is not only about success, but
also
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who choose to be a businessman must tough to failure.If their
business
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face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
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 failure ,they will not
abondon
Correct your spelling
abandon
 their line of
work
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 .What is more ,if
people
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 want to start a
business
Use synonyms
,they must have a lot of money.It is a pity,some
people
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have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not enough money
for starting
Change preposition
to start
show examples
Use synonyms
business
Add an article
a business
show examples
.
As a result
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,some
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
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 decide to borrow money from the bank.If they encounter failure ,
businessman
Add an article
the businessman
a businessman
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 will be bankrupt .
And they
Correct word choice
They
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 sell their home and car to
give
Verb problem
apply
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the bank. In conclusion, working as o self-employed would benefit
Linking Words
due
Correct pronoun usage
me due
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 to the flexibility time and not having
boss
Add an article
a boss
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,the risk might
occur
Verb problem
be
show examples
 higher than
people
Use synonyms
 working in a company in terms of financial problems.
Submitted by saydullayevkozim920 on

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task response
Improve task achievement by properly addressing all parts of the question and providing a clear position. Provide relevant examples and evidence to support ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Organize ideas logically within paragraphs and use cohesive devices to link ideas.
lexical resource
Expand vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Avoid repetition and use a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence structures. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use punctuation accurately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • company
  • organization
  • freedom
  • independence
  • income potential
  • flexibility
  • working hours
  • working location
  • passions
  • interests
  • decision-making
  • business practices
  • disadvantages
What to do next:
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