In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Urbanisation
plays
a big role in world development Wrong verb form
has played
last
decades enhancing relocation
of a lot of people to the cities area. Correct article usage
the relocation
However
, this
movement has some drawbacks in Correct article usage
the countrysides
countrysides
, indicating a simultaneous increase in urban populations and a decrease in rural populations.
Some conservative people tend to assert that urban development has no positive facets. It causes a lack of workforce at farms, Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
so
it can lead to Correct word choice
apply
failure
of natural products and price Correct article usage
the failure
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
on
Change preposition
apply
them
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Furthermore
, urbanizations
experts discuss a consistent upward trend contributing to overpopulation in urban areas. Fix the agreement mistake
urbanization
This
creates some challenges like increased congestion, environmental issues and stain
on urban resources. Fix the agreement mistake
stains
Such
a great example could be New York City - the
overpopulated place with various challenges. Correct article usage
an
For example
, there are some ecological problems like poor air and water quality, lack of green space and, in
addition
there is a tough rent situation.
On another hand, Add the comma(s)
addition,
as
I Correct word choice
apply
also
think, there is a huge plus in moving population
from the villages to the cities. Correct article usage
the population
Firstly
, humans gain better
quality of life Add an article
a better
such
as improved access to education and health care. I have a friend who recently moved to the city, and thanks to that relocation, he is able to receive full medical care support to treat his diabetes. As well as
, urban migrants start to have a vast range of opportunities for skill development, networking, and realizing their aspirations, offering a transformative journey for those seeking a better life. For instance
, Karl Lagerfeld gained access to the high fashion world, he worked at the fashion houses like Chanel, Fendi and Chloe. Thanks to that
opportunities he found in Paris, he managed to build his career only after moving to Paris from his native small town. Individuals who once had limited options in their hometowns might now explore careers in technology, entrepreneurship, or the arts.
In conclusion, rural-to-urban migration has both positive and negative impacts, but I firmly believe Correct determiner usage
the
this
situation is mostly beneficial.Submitted by bbelozertseva on
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task response
Ensure to address the prompt fully by discussing both positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration. Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is mostly logical, but ensure to use transition words and phrases to better connect ideas and improve the coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is quite good, but try to incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid awkward phrasing and errors. Work on using a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?