IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart given information the percentage of the survey results the reason adults choose to study at university while the given pie graph illustrates how adults spend should be shared.

The bar chart given information the percentage of the survey results the reason adults choose to study at university while the given pie graph illustrates how adults spend should be shared.
#bar #information #percentage #survey #results #reason #adults #study #university
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The bar chart
given
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 information
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 percentage of the survey results
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 reason
adults
Use synonyms
 choose to study at university
while
Linking Words
 the
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pie graph illustrates how
Use synonyms
adults
Change noun form
adults'
adult's
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 should be shared.
Overall
Linking Words
, more
adults
Use synonyms
 decide to study because they are interested in certain subjects at their school,
in addition
Linking Words
, most of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is of the opinion that the cost of education should be borne by the individual.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, throughout the period shown, 40% of
adults
Use synonyms
 decided to go to school because of interest in subjects at their school,
while
Linking Words
 the next
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
 reasons were getting a qualification (38%) and being useful for a current job (22%). Increasing the prospect of promotion and enjoying learning/studying have the same proportion of about 20%. A small number of
adults
Use synonyms
 can get job opportunities around 12% and a minority are able to meet people as much as 9%. Almost half of
adults
Use synonyms
 bear the costs of Individual Education (40%). The number of
adults
Use synonyms
 who bear the costs with the employer is 35% and the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentage is the taxpayer (25%).
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adults with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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