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Band 2.5

Child obesity is becoming a serious public health challenge in many nations. This essay will look at some primary causes of this and offer some possible solutions to the problem.

#child #obesity #health #challenge #nations #offer
these days, the state of several nations has put extra care
in
Change preposition
on
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child's
Fix the agreement mistake
children's
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 health regarding the issue of increased number in
obesity
.
this
 essay will put forward some causes that contribute to
this
 condition and propose a few feasible situations to mitigate the situation.
to begin
 with, there are some habits that lead
children
into
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to
show examples
obesity
,
such
 as unhealthy eating habits and
lacking
Wrong verb form
a lack
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 of physical activity.
the amount
Correct your spelling
The
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 proportion of food intake every day
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 believed to be
main
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the main
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 reason
of
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for
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 obesities, not only for
children
 but
also
on
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for
show examples
 adults. kids with
obesity
 might not have enough unhealthy food options in their daily meals, or simply because the parents don't have enough education about
balance
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balanced
show examples
 nutrition that their
children
needs
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need
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. as far as the
foods
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food
show examples
concerned
Add a missing verb
is concerned
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,
children
also
 need to do
decent
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a decent
show examples
 amount of physical activity. when they are not moving that much, their body can't burn the calories as much as they are taking,
therefore
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 fat percentage might go up in
this
 situation.
also
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern societies might influence
children
 to have a sedentary
ifestyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
instead
 of active habits.
to conclude
, the parents have a big role in order to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
 by watching their
children
's food and engaging their child to be more active, but the governments
also
 could play a role by providing more information on nutrition and advertising a healthy life on media.
Submitted by andini23 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the causes of child obesity and proposes solutions, meeting the requirements of the task. However, the ideas could be more clearly developed and supported.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is present, and the introduction and conclusion are included. However, the ideas lack clear organization and linking, which affects coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Lexical Resource: The use of vocabulary is adequate, but there is room for improvement in using a wider range of vocabulary and more accurate word choices.
grammatical range
Grammatical Range: The essay demonstrates a basic range of grammatical structures. However, there are errors in sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and word forms.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • public health challenge
  • primary causes
  • possible solutions
  • physical activity
  • unhealthy eating habits
  • advertising and media
  • parental guidance
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • availability of unhealthy food options
  • education about nutrition
  • socioeconomic factors
  • stress
  • emotional eating
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