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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show that percentage of their daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. These nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show that percentage of their daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. These nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of three different nutrients contaminating
in
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apply
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four meals, surveying
from
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Americans.
Overall
Linking Words
, dinner proves to be a meal
that is
Linking Words
 composed of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat the most,
while
Linking Words
 added
sugar
Use synonyms
 is mostly in snacks. For morning dishes, it is evident that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
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 really little unhealthy nutrition, with only 14%
of
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apply
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sodium
Use synonyms
 and 16%
of
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both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
.
In
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At
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the
Correct article usage
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noon, American citizens are observed to consume those unhealthy nutrients more, as shown by the pie charts that lunch food is composed of nearly one-third of
sodium
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, a quarter of saturated fat, and 19% of added
sugar
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. In the evening,
sodium
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 and saturated fat seem to be both
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 unhealthy nutrients in the dinner dishes, making up 43%
for
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of
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 the former and 37%
for
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of
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 the latter,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of added
sugar
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 in those dishes accounted for just 23%. Among all of the meals, snacks stand out as they contain a high amount of added
sugar
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, which constitutes 42%;
however
Linking Words
, snacks contain only 14%
of
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sodium
Use synonyms
 and about one-fifth of saturated fat.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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