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Band 4.5

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause. What can be done about this.

#people #neighbours #cities
Recently, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 no sense of community in the large cities
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the residents. The writer contends that
this
 may cause
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of connection between separate
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 number of insensitive
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
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increases
Wrong verb form
increasing
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. There are many consequences of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of communication between citizens and their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 and the most obvious result is
people
 may feel disconnected from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. The world is
developed
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 day by day and the amount of work will increase so
people
 will become more and more busy.
Thus
, when they are at home, unfortunately, there will be an accident because of exhaustion. Sometimes,
people
 will need help from their next-door
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the feeling of
disconnected
Add a missing verb
being disconnected
show examples
 from the community can cause some mental health illnesses
such
 as depression. Many research revealed that depression can make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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patients have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unusual thoughts about the community and
that is
 the
begin
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beginning
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 of committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
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. There is one solution
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 tackle these problems which is celebrating more social events for the regional
people
 to attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
 as a barbecue party or a small camping trip.
This
 may help the residents and their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 communicate with each other easily.
Besides
, they will find
people
 who are like-minded with them so they can make friends and create a tight bond. Another solution which can resolve the problems is arranging different kinds of
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 into one housing estate.
In other words
, if residents with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of communication skills are living in the same region, nobody will start to talk to each other.
Hence
, there should be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 difference in personalities in order to balance the friendliness of that area. In brief,
lack
 of daily conversation can cause many problems
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 the feeling of disconnected and mental health diseases.
However
, creating conditions for
people
 and their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 to communicate and
arranging
Wrong verb form
arrange
show examples
 different characteristics can tackle these issues easily.
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be clearer and more engaging, linking them more closely to the topic and the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with clear topic sentences and supporting examples. More sophisticated linking words and phrases could be used to enhance coherence further.
lexical resource
The essay contains a good range of vocabulary, but some word choices may not be entirely appropriate or accurate. Aim for more precision in vocabulary selection and use more formal language where appropriate.
grammatical range
The essay displays a reasonable grasp of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence structure and verb tense usage. Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement and use a wider variety of complex sentence structures.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: