IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technolagy. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

#people #technolagy #technology #relationships #development
In today's world,the majority of
people
 can not
image
Replace the word
imagine
show examples
 without
technology
 their lifestyle. Thanks to
technology
, many
people
 have changed the way they communicate with each other.In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will the
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
 of
this
 development and explain why I feel it is a positive development. One of the main
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 is that we can not prevent ourselves from the growth of
technology
 which has affected how we build
connictions
Correct your spelling
connections
 with others.
For
this
 reason ,we want to gain everything easily, which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 we always prefer to talk online than face-to-face. Because
people
 escape to spend money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
fare
Fix the agreement mistake
fares
show examples
.Another reason is that
people
 do not think it is important to talk face-to-face with others.
That is
 to say,they are very busy with work and their main goal
is earn
Change the verb form
is to earn
show examples
 a lot of money.
That is
 why,humans
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not time to talk with each other. They believe their phones. As far as I am concerned,it has numerous benefits for us and perhaps the most important one is that it provides an easier and more efficient way for
people
 to communicate with each other. When
people
 communicate through their smartphones ,they can call or send messages to others directly.in turn ,they do not need to spend money on fares or spend valuable time visiting loved ones.
Un
Correct your spelling
In
show examples
 conclusion,
technology
 has changed our
liver
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in many ways and I believe
this
 is
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 change.
Submitted by saydullayevkozim920 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure. The introduction and conclusion are not well-presented, and the main points are not supported effectively.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing the impact of technology on relationships, but the response lacks depth and clarity. More specific examples and comprehensive ideas are needed to fully address the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: