Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

#pastime #people #activities

In today's consumer-driven society, shopping has become a popular pastime among young people. In

this

essay, I will delve into the reasons for

this

trend and present my perspective on whether they should be encouraged to do other useful

activities

. One reason why shopping is a

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

pastime for many young individuals is the excitement of new

purchase

Fix the agreement mistake

purchases

show examples

For example

, buying new clothes and accessories can provide them

Add the preposition

with a

show examples

sense of thrill and fulfilment.

Moreover

, shopping offers valuable opportunities to socialize with friends and family. In fact,

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apply

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recent research has shown that a number of high school students go to the malls simply to spend time with their friends.

However

, I strongly believe that other meaningful

activities

should be encouraged.

While

shopping can be enjoyable and satisfying, it

also

promotes unnecessary

consumptions

Fix the agreement mistake

consumption

show examples

For instance

, numerous advertisements online can

affect

Verb problem

cause

show examples

young individuals to purchase more items more often, contributing to

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apply

show examples

financially reckless behaviour.

Thus

, encouraging more productive

activities

such

as sports or volunteering, can be beneficial for young people in terms of living

Add an article

a more

show examples

balanced and fulfilling life. In conclusion, shopping has become a

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

pastime among young individuals

due to

the excitement of new

purchase

Fix the agreement mistake

purchases

show examples

and the social aspect associated with it.

While

shopping can be advantageous, it

also

has some drawbacks.

Therefore

, I believe it is crucial to encourage young people to engage in other useful

activities

. By promoting a balance between shopping and other pursuits, they can lead more well-rounded lives.

Submitted by dy030 on Mon Nov 13 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main topic and supports the overall argument.

task achievement

Provide a more balanced view by addressing potential opposing perspectives to strengthen the argument.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and eloquently.

grammatical range

Use a wider variety of grammatical structures to demonstrate a more sophisticated command of the English language.

Word Count

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

245 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pastime
encouraged
useful activities
self-expression
creativity
sense of accomplishment
satisfaction
social interaction
bonding
escaping
daily routine
stress
instant gratification
pleasure
keeping up
trends
fashion
exploring
products
experiences
boosting
self-confidence
supporting
local businesses
economy
discovering
personal style
preferences

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Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

Word Count

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