IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent times, many people have focused on the negative effects advertising has on children’s health, behaviour and family relationships. Advertising to children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Advertising is an old and
cherised
Correct your spelling
cherished

If you don’t want cherised to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

way for companies and industries to communicate with their consumers. It is used
thouroghly
Correct your spelling
thoroughly

If you don’t want thouroghly to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

today – probably more than it ever
have
Change the verb form
has

It appears that the subject pronoun it and the verb have are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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 been in the past.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 gives consumers a major flow of products and they have the freedom of choice before buying.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, has it not become too much? Are the consumers not overly saturated? The extreme flow of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
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It seems that advertisement may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 accessible to the everyday human has become a critical problem. An example of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is the massive amount of money spent by people who see
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
on
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 products that they never even needed.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 can cause addictive behaviours and hoarding tendencies which ultimately
compromises
Correct subject-verb agreement
compromise

It seems that the verb compromises does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 the health of the person. Kids are exposed to
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 more now than ever before and it is a problem because they see content that
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject content. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
 aimed at adults. An example of overexposure to
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 for kids are mobile phone games and video games. The
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 pop up every 5 minutes and it encourages them to try another game or buy something. It can create behavioural problems with addictive tendencies and a lack of focus because they are disturbed all the time.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it encourages them to spend more time with the device which can have long-term effects on their health.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I conclude that the overexposure to
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject overexposure. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
 the problem and not the advertisement itself. I
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 don’t agree with the statement that
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 should be banned
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 they should be limited and restricted from kids.
An in
Correct article usage
In

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 my opinion it should
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 be restricted
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 adults

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task response
Focus more on developing and justifying your stance on whether advertising to children should be banned. Provide clear arguments and support them with relevant examples and reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of main points is not fully supported with clear examples and reasoning. Work on providing more detailed and justified explanations for each supporting point.
lexical resource
The vocabulary and language use are adequate, but there is room for improvement in using a wider range of vocabulary and more sophisticated language. Try to vary your sentence structures and utilize more advanced vocabulary to enhance your expression.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence structure and word choice. Be mindful of sentence construction and revise for word choice to ensure more accurate and sophisticated expression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • vulnerability
  • critical thinking
  • childhood obesity
  • materialistic
  • consumerism
  • conflict
  • regulations
  • ethical marketing
  • media literacy
  • unrealistic standards
  • body image
  • parental controls
  • freedom of speech
  • purchasing decisions
  • advertising content
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