In recent times, many people have focused on the negative effects advertising has on children’s health, behaviour and family relationships. Advertising to children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#times #people #effects #children’s #health #behaviour #relationships #children

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Advertising is an old and

cherised

Correct your spelling

cherished

way for companies and industries to communicate with their consumers. It is used

thouroghly

Correct your spelling

thoroughly

today – probably more than it ever

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

been in the past.

This

Linking Words

gives consumers a major flow of products and they have the freedom of choice before buying.

However

Linking Words

, has it not become too much? Are the consumers not overly saturated? The extreme flow of

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

accessible to the everyday human has become a critical problem. An example of

this

Linking Words

is the massive amount of money spent by people who see

advertisements

Use synonyms

Change preposition

for

show examples

products that they never even needed.

This

Linking Words

can cause addictive behaviours and hoarding tendencies which ultimately

compromises

Correct subject-verb agreement

compromise

show examples

the health of the person. Kids are exposed to

advertisements

Use synonyms

more now than ever before and it is a problem because they see content that

are

Change the verb form

show examples

aimed at adults. An example of overexposure to

advertisements

Use synonyms

for kids are mobile phone games and video games. The

advertisements

Use synonyms

pop up every 5 minutes and it encourages them to try another game or buy something. It can create behavioural problems with addictive tendencies and a lack of focus because they are disturbed all the time.

Additionally

Linking Words

, it encourages them to spend more time with the device which can have long-term effects on their health.

Overall

Linking Words

, I conclude that the overexposure to

advertisements

Use synonyms

are

Change the verb form

show examples

the problem and not the advertisement itself. I

therefore

Linking Words

don’t agree with the statement that

advertisements

Use synonyms

should be banned

however

Linking Words

they should be limited and restricted from kids.

An in

Correct article usage

show examples

my opinion it should

also

Linking Words

be restricted

for

Change preposition

show examples

adults

Submitted by kimi080810 on Mon Nov 13 2023

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task response

Focus more on developing and justifying your stance on whether advertising to children should be banned. Provide clear arguments and support them with relevant examples and reasoning.

coherence cohesion

Overall, the essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of main points is not fully supported with clear examples and reasoning. Work on providing more detailed and justified explanations for each supporting point.

lexical resource

The vocabulary and language use are adequate, but there is room for improvement in using a wider range of vocabulary and more sophisticated language. Try to vary your sentence structures and utilize more advanced vocabulary to enhance your expression.

grammatical range

The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence structure and word choice. Be mindful of sentence construction and revise for word choice to ensure more accurate and sophisticated expression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

vulnerability
critical thinking
childhood obesity
materialistic
consumerism
conflict
regulations
ethical marketing
media literacy
unrealistic standards
body image
parental controls
freedom of speech
purchasing decisions
advertising content

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