In recent times, many people have focused on the negative effects advertising has on children’s health, behaviour and family relationships. Advertising to children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Advertising is an old and
cherised
way for companies and industries to communicate with their consumers. It is used Correct your spelling
cherished
thouroghly
today – probably more than it ever Correct your spelling
thoroughly
have
been in the past. Change the verb form
has
This
gives consumers a major flow of products and they have the freedom of choice before buying. However
, has it not become too much? Are the consumers not overly saturated?
The extreme flow of advertisement
accessible to the everyday human has become a critical problem. An example of Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
this
is the massive amount of money spent by people who see advertisements
on
products that they never even needed. Change preposition
for
This
can cause addictive behaviours and hoarding tendencies which ultimately compromises
the health of the person.
Kids are exposed to Correct subject-verb agreement
compromise
advertisements
more now than ever before and it is a problem because they see content that are
aimed at adults. An example of overexposure to Change the verb form
is
advertisements
for kids are mobile phone games and video games. The advertisements
pop up every 5 minutes and it encourages them to try another game or buy something. It can create behavioural problems with addictive tendencies and a lack of focus because they are disturbed all the time. Additionally
, it encourages them to spend more time with the device which can have long-term effects on their health.
Overall
, I conclude that the overexposure to advertisements
are
the problem and not the advertisement itself. I Change the verb form
is
therefore
don’t agree with the statement that advertisements
should be banned however
they should be limited and restricted from kids. An in
my opinion it should Correct article usage
In
also
be restricted for
adultsChange preposition
to
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task response
Focus more on developing and justifying your stance on whether advertising to children should be banned. Provide clear arguments and support them with relevant examples and reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of main points is not fully supported with clear examples and reasoning. Work on providing more detailed and justified explanations for each supporting point.
lexical resource
The vocabulary and language use are adequate, but there is room for improvement in using a wider range of vocabulary and more sophisticated language. Try to vary your sentence structures and utilize more advanced vocabulary to enhance your expression.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence structure and word choice. Be mindful of sentence construction and revise for word choice to ensure more accurate and sophisticated expression.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.