Some people think the most important thing about being rich is that it gives a person an opportunity to help other people, to what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that how rich
people
help can be a debatable subject.
While
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
It is a commonly held belief that some
individuals
believe that the opportunity to help other
people
should be important to rich
individuals
. there is
also
an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that being rich does not automatically mean someone will help
others
.
To begin
with, Being rich provides means that he can help
others
in need.
In other words
, it can use his relationship to help someone get a job.
In addition
, Rich
individuals
can fund education and healthcare initiatives.
For example
, they can allocate capital
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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for building schools and hospitals. Another point to consider is that Financial resources can be used to support charitable organizations. It is
also
possible to say that,it will help in providing stable resources that can help
individuals
in need.
Moreover
, Being able to help
others
brings a sense of fulfilment and purpose.
For instance
, there was a study done in 2015 which supported the idea and it said that 80% of rich
individuals
have a positive effect on their lives. In conclusion, despite
people
having different views, I believe that it is important for rich
individuals
to have an opportunity to help
others
because its positives outweigh its negatives, I suggest that rich
individuals
make programs that help to improve other
people
.
Submitted by abdelaah.12 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear but somewhat one-sided view on the topic. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to fully address the task.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure and presents cohesive ideas. However, there's a need for better organization in the introduction and conclusion to improve coherence.
lexical resource
The essay uses a range of vocabulary but with inconsistent accuracy. More precise and appropriate vocabulary related to the topic should be used to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay shows good control of grammar and sentence structure. However, there are errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice. Pay attention to accuracy and consistency in sentence formation and word usage.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
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