IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
There is no doubt that the government should support jobless
people
Use synonyms
. There are
people
Use synonyms
 who think that
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 seekers who are receiving
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 from
Correct article usage
the governmet
show examples
governmet
Correct your spelling
government
 should do some voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
will be beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explain my support for
this
Linking Words
 view with
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
 examples.
Body paragraph 1
Mandatory voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 for the long term
job
Use synonyms
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 to reduce miss use of government benefits. There are several
people
Use synonyms
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 good health and
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 willing to
work
Use synonyms
 for
living
Add an article
a living
show examples
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
 They are obtaining
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
aide
Correct your spelling
aid
show examples
 is causing
burden
Add an article
a burden
show examples
 on the
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a recent study in the United Kingdom
Wrong verb form
indicated
show examples
indicating
Wrong verb form
indicated
show examples
 that
drug addicted
Add a hyphen
drug-addicted
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are using
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
aides
Correct your spelling
aid
show examples
 to buy drugs which
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 harm to
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Body paragraph 3
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
volunatry
Correct your spelling
voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 will improve the productivity of the
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 seekers.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 person who is away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 for many years might become incompetent to do professional or casual
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Body paragraph 4
Voluntary
work
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 will help them to be more productive and active.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old age homes will help them to find a
job
Use synonyms
 in a similar
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
organisation.
Body paragraph 5
Furthermore
Linking Words
, It will give a message to the
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 that they have to find
a jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a job
jobs
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of getting government
aide
Correct your spelling
aid
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
volunatry
Correct your spelling
voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 will help to reduce the
missuse
Correct your spelling
misuse
 of
governmet
Correct your spelling
government
aide
Correct your spelling
aid
show examples
 for the
job
Use synonyms
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, and it will
also
Linking Words
 help
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 be more competent
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 jobs.
Although
Linking Words
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 aid must be delivered to
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserving
show examples
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
, it should not be
missused
Correct your spelling
misused
missed
.

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Task Achievement
The essay does not fully address the prompt, and the arguments are not developed cohesively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and coherent development of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are not well-presented.
Lexical Resource
The essay contains a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision. There are also issues with word choice and idiom usage.
Grammatical Range
There are a number of grammatical errors including tense inconsistency, missing articles, and sentence fragmentation.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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