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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter Say why he/she would not enjoy going to college Explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/her Suggest types of jobs that would be suitable for him/her

#friend #advice #college #job #idea #jobs
Dear Annie, Nice to hear from you after
such
 a long time. I appreciate that you are asking my opinion on deciding whether going to college is best for you or getting a job. I think you’d better find a job and I'm writing
this
 letter to tell you why. First of all, we've known each other since we were 10 years old. I know your character. Don't waste your time and energy in college. You are an active girl, you can't just sit in theoretical classes, take notes, memorize them and pass exams. You like to experience them actively and freely.
On the other hand
, you always told me that you want to leave your
parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
show examples
 house and be independent. So it is the best time to work and income.
While
 higher education costs you a lot. And
finally
, I think you should work in music. You were one of the best guitarists in high school. Why don't you continue in
this
 field? You can teach children and adults how to play guitar
while
also
 having a part-time job as a guitar player in restaurants or bars. I hope you make the best decision. I look forward to hearing from you. Best wishes, Sahebe
Submitted by sahebe.jalali on

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task response
Ensure a clearer and direct response to the given prompt. Provide more specific reasons and explanations as to why getting a job is a better choice for the friend's situation.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the letter. Organize the ideas more coherently to make the letter easier to follow and understand.
lexical resource
Enhance the variety and appropriateness of vocabulary used in the letter. Consider using more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary to convey the ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Diversify the sentence structures and use a wider range of grammatical constructions. Incorporate complex and compound structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical proficiency.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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