The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The increased number of poor people lies at the heart of societal concerns. Some argue that one of the vital ways to address
this
issue is free
education
for early ages, resulting in a generation
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
has basic knowledge,
such
as reading and writing skills. I agree that these skills are essential for
this
purpose, but they are not enough to eradicate poverty, and I will elaborate on the reasons behind my viewpoint. Those who are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
of funded
education
claim that if individuals at least can write and read, they may be able to find a
job
.
Consequently
, by declining
joblessness
Add a comma
joblessness,
show examples
the poverty rate will decrease. A 2019 experiment conducted by the BBC, assessed the collaboration between illiteracy and joblessness. The results illustrated an impressive 80% relationship.
Thus
, it is crucial to recognize that if an inordinate amount of money is allocated for free
education
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will have fewer
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people who financially struggling.
On the other hand
, I do acknowledge the perspective that offers affordable
education
for everyone at young ages, but in my opinion,
this
is not a sufficient solution.
Therefore
,
according to
my understanding, the most fundamental issue that should be taken into consideration is
economic
Add an article
the economic
an economic
show examples
situation. Admittedly, a country with
booming
Correct article usage
a booming
show examples
economy can offer numerous
job
opportunities, so more people have a chance to find a place to work. Undoubtedly, if someone has high skills, but there are not any jobs available, they may not be able to find a
job
, causing pecuniary problems.
As a result
, literacy cannot promote the financial situation of the infrastructures of the society have not been adequately improved in terms of
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
market.
To sum up
, I understand the reasons behind the view that gaining basic knowledge at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
is the best way to tackle
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty.
As the
Change preposition
The
show examples
possibility of finding a
job
has soared by knowing how to write or read. Notwithstanding, it is vital to consider that
this
will help individuals to foster their chance to find a
job
if there are any jobs available, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
requires a developed economy.
Submitted by fbagheri285 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, presenting relevant ideas and examples. However, it needs to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the issue and evaluate the extent of agreement or disagreement more thoroughly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally coherent, with clear progression from one point to the next. However, there are some instances where the connections between ideas and examples could be more explicit, leading to a more cohesive overall structure.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good use of vocabulary and a range of cohesive devices. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and precision of vocabulary, as well as in the use of more sophisticated lexical items.
Grammatical Range
The essay exhibits a fairly wide range of grammatical structures, but with some inaccuracies and repetitive use of certain forms. To improve, the writer should focus on using a wider range of complex structures and strive for greater grammatical accuracy throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • functional literacy
  • numeracy skills
  • educational opportunity
  • employment prospects
  • critical thinking
  • empowerment
  • inequality reduction
  • sustainable development
  • innovation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: