IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree?

#sales #consumer #goods #power #society
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Nowadays, advertisements play a key role in selling
products
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, in which their extent of effectiveness outweighs the real needs of consumers. I completely agree with
this
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 opinion. Big companies around the world study
people
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's interests by collecting data from social media like Instagram and Facebook.
Then
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, they select some target groups for their
products
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, which they
maneuver
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manoeuvre
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 on them in the advertisements. Companies create a feeling of a need for their goods
on
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in
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 these target groups.
For example
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, Apple released a new iPhone,
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then
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and then
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 removed the old headphones from its packaging. They started extended advertising about wireless iPad which was interesting for the
people
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 who followed new technology.
As a result
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, it became a
best selling
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best-selling
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 product. Today, most iPhone users buy an iPad as well.
While
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 using mobile phones, laptops, computers, watching TV programs or reading billboards across the city
and
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apply
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etc... many advertisements can be seen in a frequent way. Even
people
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 may see their
favorite
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favourite
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 celebrities or influencers
of
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on
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 social media in commercials
of
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for
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products
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. Every year, companies spend a lot of money on advertising and sign expensive contracts with famous
people
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such
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 as actors or athletes as their advertising models.
As a result
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 of being exposed to
such
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 a huge amount of advertising,
people
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 will be curious to try the
products
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 and use them even if they don’t really need these goods.
Therefore
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, the amount of purchases increases.
To sum up
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, I believe there is a lot of knowledge behind the advertising industry which leads the advertised product
become
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to become
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 a bestseller by gathering
consumers
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consumer
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 data and influencing the target groups.
Submitted by sahebe.jalali on

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task response
The response addresses all parts of the task prompt and provides a clear opinion on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
There is a good overall progression and logical structure. However, some points could be more fully developed and connected.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary and the use of sophisticated expressions. However, be cautious of using overly complex language that may affect clarity.
grammatical range
There is a good mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, be mindful of sentence run-ons and punctuation errors.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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