Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults

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Today, one

group

believes that

children

should learn how to compete,

on the other

hand

Add the comma(s)

hand,

show examples

another

group

supports the idea that

instead

of being competitive,

children

should be taught how to work together which makes them more useful in their future lives. I completely agree with the second view.

First,

I am going to talk about the perspective of the first

group

Due to

being in a competitive environment,

children

try to do their best to complete their tasks, like studying, learning musical instruments

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

playing sports

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

etc…. They know all these efforts are encouraged by those around them, especially their families and teachers.

In addition

, these

children

can experience failures and learn how to cope with them and overcome them. But,

this

condition

also

has negative effects on

children

such

as difficulty making friends or feeling hatred towards others who are better than them.

According to

the next view, cooperation allows

children

to socialize more and learn many things from others that will help them in their future lives and careers. For

this

, their families or teachers can give them some responsibilities so that they consider themselves part of a

group

which will have positive effects on their personalities.

Furthermore

, these

children

learn how to be generous by offering their knowledge and selves experiences to others.

As a result

, they can make good friendships with their peers.

To sum up

, growing

Change preposition

up in

show examples

a friendly and team-working atmosphere provides a better future for

children

. Having a peaceful life is the right of every child around the world.

Submitted by sahebe.jalali on Mon Nov 13 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion provide a good framework for the essay, but the logical structure of the main points needs improvement. The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas and coherence between paragraphs.

Task Achievement

The essay partially responds to the task by presenting both views, but the arguments and examples could be more developed and specific. More clarity and depth are needed to fully address the prompt.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary and uses appropriate expressions. However, more varied and precise vocabulary could enhance the quality of the writing.

Grammatical Range

The essay displays a reasonable control of grammar and sentence structure, but there are instances of repetitive structures and minor errors in punctuation and word usage. Greater variety in sentence structure and more accurate language use would improve the overall quality of writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

encourage
compete
cooperate
useful
adults
skills
motivation
drive
resilience
failure
workplace
empathy
social skills
reduce
stress
pressure
balanced
approach
ideal

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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

On a recent holiday, you lost a valuable item. Fortunately you have travel insurance to cover the cost of the lost item. Write a letter to the insurance manager. In your letter: describe the item you lost, explain how you lost it, tell the insurance company what you would like them to do.

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed. Others believe that zoos are necessary for education and conservation.

Some people think that one of the best ways to solve environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had huge negative effect on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?