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Band 3

The below shows the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007

#consumption
The chart illustrates
the
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information about three kinds of spreads(
butter
, low fat& reduced spreads) which were consumed over 26 years from 1981 to 2007 and all items measured in
grams
. By and large, the
consumption
 of margarine and
butter
 declined throughout the period
while
 they increased significantly in
low fat
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low-fat
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& reduced spreads. The use of
butter
 reached over 140 in 1981, which increased to 160
grams
 in 5 years( 1986) before falling dramatically to 100 in 1991.
In contrast
, the total
consumption
 of margarine started at approximately 90
grams
 in the first year and declined to 80
grams
 in 1986 before growing to 100 in 1991 and passing the
butter
, which remained until 1996. The
consumption
 of
butter
 decreased steadily to around 50
grams
 in the
last
 period,
while
 it decreased slightly in margarine to 80
grams
 in 2001 before falling
down
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to 40 in 2007. The
consumption
 of low fat& reduced spreads started in 1996 with a value of under 20
grams
 and increased dramatically to over 80
grams
 before slightly coming down just under 80 to
last
 year.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are adequate, but could be more developed and connected to the body paragraphs. The main points are generally supported but could benefit from more specific data and examples.
Task Achievement
The response is generally complete, with clear and relevant ideas presented. However, the use of data and examples could be more specific and detailed.
Lexical Resource
The lexical resource is fairly varied and appropriate for the task, but more precise and varied vocabulary could enhance the overall quality of the response.
Grammatical Range
The grammatical range is sufficient, with a mix of complex and simple structures. However, more accurate use of verb tenses and sentence structures would improve the overall quality of the response.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • spreads
  • increased
  • decreased
  • stable
  • significantly
  • approximately
  • per capita
  • remarkable
  • peaked
  • experienced
  • started
  • remained
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