The below shows the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007

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The chart illustrates
the
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information about three kinds of spreads(
butter
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, low fat& reduced spreads) which were consumed over 26 years from 1981 to 2007 and all items measured in
grams
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. By and large, the
consumption
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of margarine and
butter
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declined throughout the period
while
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they increased significantly in
low fat
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low-fat
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& reduced spreads. The use of
butter
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reached over 140 in 1981, which increased to 160
grams
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in 5 years( 1986) before falling dramatically to 100 in 1991.
In contrast
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, the total
consumption
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of margarine started at approximately 90
grams
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in the first year and declined to 80
grams
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in 1986 before growing to 100 in 1991 and passing the
butter
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, which remained until 1996. The
consumption
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of
butter
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decreased steadily to around 50
grams
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in the
last
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period,
while
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it decreased slightly in margarine to 80
grams
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in 2001 before falling
down
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to 40 in 2007. The
consumption
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of low fat& reduced spreads started in 1996 with a value of under 20
grams
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and increased dramatically to over 80
grams
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before slightly coming down just under 80 to
last
Linking Words
year.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are adequate, but could be more developed and connected to the body paragraphs. The main points are generally supported but could benefit from more specific data and examples.
Task Achievement
The response is generally complete, with clear and relevant ideas presented. However, the use of data and examples could be more specific and detailed.
Lexical Resource
The lexical resource is fairly varied and appropriate for the task, but more precise and varied vocabulary could enhance the overall quality of the response.
Grammatical Range
The grammatical range is sufficient, with a mix of complex and simple structures. However, more accurate use of verb tenses and sentence structures would improve the overall quality of the response.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • spreads
  • increased
  • decreased
  • stable
  • significantly
  • approximately
  • per capita
  • remarkable
  • peaked
  • experienced
  • started
  • remained
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