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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999. The bar chart shows the most popular countries visited by the UK residents in 1999.

The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999. The bar chart shows the most popular countries visited by the UK residents in 1999.
#line #visits #uk #bar #countries #residents
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The line chart illustrates the changes in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
UK
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residents
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 that visited
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of
foreigner
Change to a plural noun
foreigners
show examples
 that visited
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 from 1979 to 1999,
while
Linking Words
 the bar chart presents some most visited
countries
Use synonyms
 by
UK
Use synonyms
residents
Use synonyms
 in 1999, stated in
millions
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
 to and from
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 increased and there are significant
differencies
Correct your spelling
differences
 in the
number
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 of
UK
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 visitors to the five most popular
countries
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1979, the
number
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 of worldwide
residents
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 that went to
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 was 10
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of
UK
Use synonyms
residents
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 that went abroad was just over 10
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. Up until sometime between 1984 and 1989, both
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number
Change to a plural noun
numbers
show examples
 increased steadily.
However
Linking Words
, in the following years, the
number
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 of people living in
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 that went to
another
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
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countries
Use synonyms
 went up dramatically to more than 50
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
also
Linking Words
 rose
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
but less significantly to just under 30 million, resulting in a bigger gap between both data in 1999 compared to 1979. Shifting the focus to the
countries
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 visited by
UK
Use synonyms
residents
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, it is evident that France and Spain was
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 most popular country
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pulling around 10
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 visitors in 1999. The other three, Turkey, Greece, and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, were less interesting and attracted
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
less than 5
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
residents
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, uk, residents, countries, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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