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Band 5

Some think the current generation should take steps to protect the environment for the next generation. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#think #generation #steps #environment
It’s
 a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 fact that humans have been polluting the environment for a long time. We can obviously feel it only
in particular
 places of the globe, but most
people
 around the
world
 can’t really tell how vast the problem is. To find a real solution
it’s
 important to keep in mind that there is no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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specific company or person that could be considered accountable for ecological meltdown. The responsibility lies on every and each of us. The internal combustion engine is to be thanked for numerous technological and economic advantages during
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 150 years. Previous generations faced so many crises, that they had no choice, but to come up with more and more advanced technologies in order to catch up with the rest of the
world
. One of the most vivid examples probably would be
events
Correct article usage
the events
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 of
World
 War 2. The most brilliant minds across the globe tried to surpass the enemy with new military inventions. No one at that time really thought about the consequences on
environment
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the environment
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 or even political changes that the Manhattan Project,
for example
, could have brought. Everyone was focused mainly on two things: either defeating the enemy or discovering new ways of making profit out of new technologies. Or it could be both. Now humanity has to carry
this
 legacy of
clueless
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the clueless
a clueless
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 capitalist mindset of the past. The modern
world
 created by our ancestors is in urgent need
for
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of
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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global change. Unfortunately, few
people
 realize that real steps must be made only with radical changes in the International Law system.
Moreover
, we need to revise our political and economic agendas.
This
 is why
it’s
 absolutely crucial to educate
people
 on
this
 problem, to talk about global warming in school and
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
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 media to spread awareness and inform
people
 about how they can contribute. I am personally convinced that our generation is responsible for the future we will leave for our children to live in. Because right now the
world
 is on the edge of a fatal catastrophe, and
it’s
 our direct responsibility to take some actions. Everyone can contribute, but
it’s
 not enough if governments do not rewrite and adapt new laws. Updating legislation to the current situation might take a considerable amount of time, so
this
 is why we have to hurry up. In the end, there is no one else who will do it
instead
 of us.
Submitted by butivchenkodiana on

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task response
The essay focuses on the importance of protecting the environment for future generations. It acknowledges the human responsibility for ecological issues and emphasizes the need for global change through education, legislation, and individual action. However, the essay's focus could be more on expressing and justifying the writer's opinion on whether the current generation should take steps to protect the environment, in line with the given prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally follows a clear and coherent structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The logical flow of ideas is present, and transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth. However, the essay could benefit from more explicit topic sentences and a stronger connection between the introduction and the body paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with a mix of formal and informal language. However, there are instances of wordiness and repetitive word choice that could be improved. Additionally, some of the vocabulary used may not be suitable for an academic essay.
grammatical range
The essay shows a generally good command of grammar and sentence structure, with complex structures and varied sentence beginnings. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, tense inconsistency, and punctuation errors that could be refined to enhance clarity and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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