IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health issues. Sugary products should b mad more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #b #people
It is obvious that
people
 are more inclined to suffer from
life related
Add a hyphen
life-related
show examples
 disorders
due to
 the consumption of
food
 and
drinks
 with
mor
Correct your spelling
more
 sugar.
Therefore
, these
products
 should be sold
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high
prices
 to steer
people
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 healthy alternatives. I strongly agree
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 argument because not only
being
Wrong verb form
is it
show examples
 reduced availability but
also
being
Wrong verb form
it is
show examples
 unaffordable for the public.
This
 essay will discuss profoundly to justify my notion
further
.
To begin
 with,
being escalated
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the cost of those
products
 might be seen rarely in the market which
discourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
discourages
show examples
 consumers
to purchase
Change preposition
from purchasing
show examples
. To be exact, when
prices
 become more and more higher
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 and retailers would not be able to supply persistently to the market
Correct word choice
that
show examples
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 the public
unable
Add a missing verb
is unable
show examples
 to reach
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first glance.
For example
,
Sri
Correct article usage
the Sri
show examples
 Lankan government imposed
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 tax
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fast
food
 to enhance the cost of
backery
Correct your spelling
bakery
 items to minimize
availability
Add an article
the availability
show examples
 of these
products
 and
this
 has been end up with lower consumption
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the community and search for local
delicacy
Fix the agreement mistake
delicacies
show examples
 with higher nutritional
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. If not, being habitual to us for
long
Add an article
the long
show examples
 run would
lads
Correct your spelling
lead
show examples
 to
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
 society.
Therefore
,
expensiveness
Correct article usage
the expensiveness
show examples
 of the sugary item is beneficial to some extent to get rid of health issues.
Furthermore
,
as a result
 of skyrocketing
prices
, individuals
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
afford
Fix the infinitive
to afford
show examples
 as
thy liv
Correct your spelling
they live
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
tight
Add an article
a tight
show examples
 budget. To
b
Correct your spelling
be
 precise, customers would not be able to manage their daily expenses if they
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 to spend more money on refreshments
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
daily
Correct pronoun usage
their daily
show examples
 routine which may prone to find local healthy
low cost
Correct word choice
cost-effective
show examples
 alternatives
intead
Correct your spelling
instead
.
For instance
,
due to
 the economic recession of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sri
Lanka
Add a comma
Lanka,
show examples
 the public
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to buy local
low sugar
Add a hyphen
low-sugar
show examples
 healthy diets and
drinks
 as sugary
food
 and
drinks
 comparatively
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 higher
prices
. It is not possible,
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 yet to be glued to
high calories
Correct your spelling
high-calorie
show examples
food
 and
drinks
although
thy
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 undergo enormous
non communicable
Add a hyphen
non-communicable
show examples
 diseases
such
 as diabetes.
Hence
 becoming
mor
Correct your spelling
more
 expensive is
also
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
 on positive way to community to stay away from disorders.
To conclude
,
according to
 the above clarifications, if
people
 need to keep safe the government should
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the
prices
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary
products
 because it
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
feasibility
Correct article usage
the feasibility
show examples
to buy
Change preposition
of buying
show examples
 and
unable
Add a missing verb
is unable
show examples
 to bear
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
 the public.
Submitted by adpremadasa82 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Inadequate introduction and conclusion. The essay lacks a clear thesis statement and does not effectively summarize the main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt, but the introduction and conclusion are not well-developed. More specific examples and a stronger thesis statement would improve the completeness of the response.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: