IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people today are choosing to live and work in another country after graduating from univei rsity in their home country. Why is this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #work #country #univei #rsity #home
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nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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communities have been selecting to reside
down
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apply
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abroad after their higher degree.
As because
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Because
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of
Correct pronoun usage
of this
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, in their home
country
Use synonyms
 they
donnot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 have enough
oppertunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 what they are expecting
for
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apply
show examples
. In my opinion,
dwell
Wrong verb form
dwelling in
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at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 foreign
country
Use synonyms
 is a good option to choose. in the following
Correct your spelling
essay
easy
eassy
Add a comma
eassy,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 discuss
about
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apply
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my point of view. first of all,
in
Change preposition
apply
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overseas there are lots of
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
,
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, and a secure
job
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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available.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
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,
a fresh graduates
Correct the article-noun agreement
fresh graduates
a fresh graduate
show examples
 can do
what ever
Correct your spelling
whatever
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 he/she wants,
moreover
Linking Words
, they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 need any kind of experience to find a
job
Use synonyms
. not only
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 they can open a new business
their
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 right away.
For example
Linking Words
, In
Italy
Add a comma
Italy,
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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fresh
under
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apply
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graduates can
many
Add a missing verb
have many
show examples
 options for
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 in many fields
whereas
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh a
post graduate
Correct your spelling
postgraduate
show examples
 hardly find a
job
Use synonyms
 either, he/she
manage
Change the verb form
manages
show examples
 a
job
Use synonyms
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 minimum wage a ten times less
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
a developed countries
Correct the article-noun agreement
developed countries
a developed country
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, after completing a degree if most of the rabble goes
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
abroad it is a great loss for a home
country
Use synonyms
. In future,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
genaration
Correct your spelling
generation
 have to lead the
nation
Use synonyms
 but if the fresh graduate goes to
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
nation
Use synonyms
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 might be a lack of development in various department
likeas
Correct your spelling
like
,
infustructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
, engineering and many other.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
statistics shows that 65%
fresh
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of fresh
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 graduate from reputed universities
from
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in
show examples
 Bangladesh
are going
Wrong verb form
go
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 to different countries after
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
gratuation
Correct your spelling
graduation
. for that
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
remain
Change the verb form
remains
show examples
under developed
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
show examples
.
overall
Linking Words
, everyone wants a good life for that they need a good environment and many other
thinks
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
 like
as
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apply
show examples
oppurtunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
,
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 system and so on. In a developed
country
Use synonyms
 the education system and
job
Use synonyms
 facilities
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 five times
batter
Correct your spelling
better than
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then
Linking Words
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
under developed
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
show examples
 county usually people are willing to move
another
Change preposition
to another
show examples
nation
Use synonyms
 f or their future home.
to sum up
Linking Words
,
Become
Wrong verb form
Becoming
show examples
 a part of a
Use synonyms
nation
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
 development is a pride but in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 there
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
are lots of
opputunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to become succeed so,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 to go abroad to lead a good
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
Submitted by tanjimrafel6 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and does not provide a clear preview of the main points to be discussed. The conclusion is not well-summarized and does not reinforce the main ideas presented in the essay. Focus on structuring a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the essay and provide a logical flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
The essay presents some relevant points but lacks depth and development. The examples provided are not well-elaborated, and the supporting details for the main points are insufficient. To improve coherence and cohesion, develop each main idea with supporting details and elaborate on the examples to provide a more thorough discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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