IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #children #study #subjects #school
An idea of whether
children
 should learn all
subjects
 at
school
 or only a specific one depending on their interests or capability is worth to be discussed. During the elementary
school
 period, it would be wise to introduce
children
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 various
subjects
 allowing them to at least understand the
basic
Fix the agreement mistake
basics
show examples
 of the course and widen their perspective.
Then
, in the next level of
education
, the number of
subjects
 they need to learn at
school
 can be reduced following the advancement of a specific subject. On the one hand, it is important for
children
 to get numerous courses at the first level of
education
 in order to find out their interests. In
this
 4.0 industrial generation, where people are very competitive, it is better for
children
 to prepare for their future, especially to find out their specialization. As an illustration, in order to discover their potency, it is wiser for
children
 to learn all
subjects
 in early
education
. Through
this
, the child will figure out his or her interest and they can compete in
this
 industrial era.
On the other hand
, when the
children
 graduate from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 former
education
, they should focus on their an interest.
Furthermore
, learning all
subjects
 is not effective
due to
 the requirements of industry.
As a consequence
, it is better for them to take the specific one. Take tourism vocational
school
 as an instance,
this
school
’s program is proven to create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 people and they could compete in the tourism sector.
Finally
, I believe that
children
 should be given the opportunity to choose the subject based on their preference, after knowing a sufficient range of knowledge in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elementary
school
.
This
 approach will likely give a better result for the child’s achievement and future careers.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your examples are relevant to the topic and provide complete explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Consider structuring your essay more logically, with clear topic sentences and supporting details in each paragraph.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied expressions to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tenses.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • discover their interests and strengths
  • basic understanding
  • interconnected world
  • higher motivation
  • deeper knowledge
  • mental health
  • reducing unnecessary stress
  • boredom
  • balanced approach
  • successful specialization
  • well-informed perspective
  • solid general education
  • freedom to delve deeper
  • specialized future career path
What to do next:
Look at other essays: