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Band 4

People living in the 21st century have a better life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #st #century #life #centuries
It is often said that the quality of living in the 21st century is higher than for those living in the
ealier
Correct your spelling
earlier
 centuries. I agree with
this
 idea and I’m going to explain some reasons below.
Firstly
, one of the main reasons is the development of technology will help us to do anything. To be more specific, if we are far from each other we can communicate by using the internet and social apps. In the past, technology was not developed so we met each other
as well as
 used the phone.
However
, today we can drive a car
use
Replace the word
using
show examples
 not only fossil fuels but
also
 electricity.
For example
, the company called Tesla invented a semi-automatic driven car using electricity which is good for our environment and people.
Moreover
, with the advancement of technology, we have gained access to better treatments.
Secondly
, another conspicuous reason is that many people can get
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 education
thus
 their careers
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 upgraded.
Furthermore
, there is a device called VR which shows overseas even if we are just in a house.
Additionally
, there are many complicated languages that we can not understand but
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 will lend us a helping hand to automatically translate to different languages.
Finally
, we can get assistance from highly intelligent AI so that our process getting more easily. In conclusion, I completely agree that
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
 century is higher than for those living in
ealier
Correct your spelling
earlier
 centuries.
Otherwise
, many elderly are not comfortable using IT devices and smartphones. So we should teach them about those things and that will make our society harmonious.
Submitted by phthaoo on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the response directly addresses all parts of the task to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Work on optimizing introduction and conclusion. Try to provide a more structured approach to support the main points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and demonstrate more precision in word choice.
grammatical range
Focus on using a variety of complex sentence structures and demonstrate more control of grammar.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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